My wife use to say 3-4 months ago she didn't want to give me any "false hope", she has not said that in the last couple.
My W said the same thing. She didn't start to change until we got into counseling. Her problem is that her family was ALL in OUR business and they did more harm than helping. The same thing is going on right now. They need to back out of our issues. My W's problem is that every time she gets upset, instead of working through things, she runs to her dad and gets the whole family involved.
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I have not asked her to go to counseling but once since the beginning of all this and got a flat out NO, but I did again a couple weeks ago for Retrouvaille and that was last week and only because it was coming up in our town. Her response this time was not yet, another little difference that I will take. I have had the feeling that it is not that she doesn't want to, I believe she is afraid that if she does I may hurt her again by drinking,
Don't give up asking. Maybe do so, every six weeks or so. Just to check in. If she says, no. Then drop the issue immediately. If she said, not yet, that is an optimistic response. Right now, she is not read. She may be ready in the future. What have you done to address your drinking? Have you sought counseling or AA groups? My advice is that when you start seeking out these supports that you apologize to your W for your drinking issues in the past and tell her how your life will be different with these new changes. Paint a picture of a positive future for the family. Don't beg in the letter, just state how these changes will make a more positive future for YOU. Don't say, US.
OneWish's Story
"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."
