New to this.....feeling down

[~Sol]

I'm just laying down in my bed, in my house, with my wife at her job at night, and living in her own place.

She has been working nights for 2.5 years now, had an affair as a result of choosing to work nights, and I find myself in the same sitch as any other night since 2.5 years ago. Nothing had changed.

And I asked myself, "what the hell am I doing laying in bed at night by myself?????" I want my wife to be there with me at night, and spend afternoons and days off together....but I don't have that and probably never will with my current wife.

So what am I doing? It's not that I am lonely since she has moved out, but that I am lonely from 2.5 years ago.........way before the A, and I have no one that cares a dam about me - at least that's how I feel.

So I am home alone at night, just like any other night since my wife started working nights.

And I ask myself: "What am I doing???"