Yeah it's like your walking on egg shells because you don't want to screw up but you want to do something to make your spouse think. I have a really hard time with the going dark. Course for the past week he's emailed me every day but one and we even managed to joke around some yesterday. But then when he came to get the kids it was like he couldn't get away fast enough. Later he told me he was having a rough time....
I think they're hurt so they try to make us hurt as much as possible. I know I let my H down and I feel terrible about that but I'm working on myself. I just need my H to decide to try again. Since I can't control him I just have to keep working on me. I do agree though if they don't know what they want they should give it a shot.
I tried to GAL today since he has the kids this weekend.. That didn't go so well. I can't go anywhere without it somehow being tied to him or us. I ended up coming back home more upset then when I left.
It always helps for me to talk to other people because even though no one knows what's going to happen I can calm down and leave the conversation in a better place then before.
W: 33 H: 37 SS: 14 S: 7 S: 3 married 08/09/97 Seperated 11/02 05/07 H moved back 8/26/07
I actually am having a life, I had a life when I was with her, so the only thing at the moment that has changed is we live in different apartments for now. I think, at least in my situation is that she is not trying to hurt me, but at same time I don't think she has a clue to what I am going thru. Still when I do see her, I still feel like she is talking to someone behind my me so I keep wanting to look back to see who is there. I am so tired of not hearing from her, it has now been over a week, she comes back to town tomorrow and have no clue to how she is going to be when she finally sees me.
One thing that I am not sure gives me hope, or makes me angry is what she says to our son. He is always asking me questions as in, do you love mom, are you going to try and be with her, etc... I know she gets the same type questions, that neither of us can help, I just try to make him feel comfortable and loved. I answer as honestly as I can and it usually goes along the lines of we are trying, we just can't be together right now, blah blah blah, that is all I can do since I really don't know. But, he has asked a dozen times over the last couple of months with both wife and myself in the same room. Her response is always about the same, "I love your daddy" or "I am trying honey". So what makes me mad is that he does not know the meanings of love, so he takes that every time as that she loves me and we will get back together, or when she says she is trying he also gets hopeful. If she does and is trying I am happy she is saying that, if she doesn't know or is still thinking divorce she is just playing a game with his head, even if she is not trying to do that.
Not sure if that made sense in words.
M 41 W 33 S8 S17 Bomb 3/11/07 S 3/28/07 New beginning? 8/31/07
For me I've always been a home type person. Even before my H. So for me to go out all of a sudden and do things is weird.
My H will talk to me for a little while then decide oh wait I shouldn't be doing this and back off for awhile. But he always starts talking again. It's like he can't help himself. And when he got a new job offer and put in his 2 week notice it was me he was telling how scared he was and all...
Yeah when he told our kids he said that we were taking a time out. And then last time the kids came back from his apartment my S7 was just kinda talking and he said daddy is afraid to come home. I said huh? Did daddy tell you that he said yeah. Apparently my son was asking him about coming home and that's what my H told him.... It wasn't I'm not or I can't or I don't know if I will it was I'm afraid.
So yeah it made sense.
As much as I'm hurt and upset it kills me when I think about my kids having to go thru this and possibly a D. We're supposed to protect them and there's nothing I can do but hope and pray my H decides he wants his family.
W: 33 H: 37 SS: 14 S: 7 S: 3 married 08/09/97 Seperated 11/02 05/07 H moved back 8/26/07
Yeah when he told our kids he said that we were taking a time out. And then last time the kids came back from his apartment my S7 was just kinda talking and he said daddy is afraid to come home. I said huh? Did daddy tell you that he said yeah. Apparently my son was asking him about coming home and that's what my H told him.... It wasn't I'm not or I can't or I don't know if I will it was I'm afraid.
So yeah it made sense.
If it is only that he is afraid, maybe he is truthful with kids, not that kids should be placed in the middle or you hearing it from them, but you cannot do anything about that. That actually sounds hopeful that he just might, hope so for you and your family. I don't know with what she tells our son though that it is truthful, I think it could set him for another loss.
M 41 W 33 S8 S17 Bomb 3/11/07 S 3/28/07 New beginning? 8/31/07
Yeah but see I'm the same way as you. After I heard that I was thinking is that true or is he trying to ease our kids into the idea that this is the way it will be forever. I think it's much easier to look at someone else's sitch and say that sounds good then it is our own. I mean yours is telling him she loves you. I haven't heard that since before he left. So to me that sounds good. Just an outsider looking in....
I mean this past week he's really had me believing that he is thinking just by comments he's thrown out. And I'm not sure if he's trying to get a reaction out of me or trying to tell me he's attempting to move on with his life. I of course didn't react because I'm DBing so I didn't say you can always come home or anything which I normally would have said.
W: 33 H: 37 SS: 14 S: 7 S: 3 married 08/09/97 Seperated 11/02 05/07 H moved back 8/26/07
That is so true, it is easier as an outsider to see things completely different, but hey, we encourage our selves that way. Hopefully for the right reasons.
I think everyone else is having more fun than us, they are not here
M 41 W 33 S8 S17 Bomb 3/11/07 S 3/28/07 New beginning? 8/31/07
If the only wrong I do in my marriage from here on out is waiting to long or being wrong in that she will want to attempt at some time, then I can deal with that. At least I know I gave it my all and was spending time working on myself.
I just figured how much of a dunce I am, I just saw that they have a counter for how many posts we have done.
I am over 1000 in 2 months, is that a bad thing?
M 41 W 33 S8 S17 Bomb 3/11/07 S 3/28/07 New beginning? 8/31/07
nah that just means your making lots of friends and have lots of support.
Off topic. There was a 4 yr old boy that went missing here just over a week ago. Today they found a body of a small child in the same neighborhood that he went missing in. They don't know for sure it's him because the body was to decomposed to make a positive ID... You have to figure it's the same kid. I just don't understand how people can do this to kids... Makes me think of my kids and how I'd feel if anything happened to them. Just want to hold on and not let go. You know
W: 33 H: 37 SS: 14 S: 7 S: 3 married 08/09/97 Seperated 11/02 05/07 H moved back 8/26/07
