You make me think of something Ann Landers (the advice columnist) once wrote, "No one can take advantage of you unless you let them." Your XW can't "toy" with you unless you are willing to let her. It may be time to cut the ties (though only you know when that time is).
Originally Posted By: big_tuna
...its killing me to still love her and have hope that she will she will wake up and realize her mistake...
Many who pursue a course of action such as the one upon which your XW has chosen to embark do come to the realization it was a mistake. The problem is, this event usually occurs years later after they have gone through their own trials. I think the disconnect for you is that you believe this might happen in the next few days, weeks, or months when, in reality, it is likely to occur much further down the road.
I understand where you are and I went through it too. I firmly believe that my STBXW will come to this realization at some point as well, but I have recognized and accepted that it will not be anytime soon enough to save anything.
Originally Posted By: big_tuna
...for example on 7/4 she called me 14 times!
This is disturbing behavior. I never called my W 14 times in one day even when we were married and in your case, you're not! I can't think of a single person I know who would consider this normal, reasonable, or acceptable behavior by an ex-spouse (unless it involved the health or well-being of a child).
Originally Posted By: big_tuna
i always have this nagging question that continues to haunt me....WHY?
Welcome to the group. I'd bet most folks here have that same question and I bet just as many, regardless of how long they've been at it, still don't have a good answer. I think you just have to come to terms with not knowing. I don't know that my STBXW is self-aware enough to even be able to answer this for herself, let alone provide me with a reasonable explanation.
Originally Posted By: big_tuna
...she said "there are so many things i need to tell you"...
Yada...yada...yada. The WAS says a million things. The only things you can count on are the things they back up with action. Doesn't sound like she's expending much effort to share with you (and she clearly knows how to contact you...at least by phone ).
Originally Posted By: big_tuna
...part of me is dying to know if she has any rational expanation for the meltdown that destroyed my family...maybe ill never know huh?
I doubt it...and probably not.
I'm praying that you will find the strength and courage to turn your face toward a new horizon and strike out in search of a new and better life.
).