is sideways a direction?

[cire2]

Question?
If you have the feelings that you are being called to stand is second guessing part of that?

I ask this because of my circumstances.
I have had 4 loves in my life, and each one I still love. Mind you, lots of promiscuity, but these 4 loves were long term and 2 marriages.

The first one I messed up and wanted to play because of my age, 23. We had something wonderful and I still pine for her at times 21 yrs. later.

#2 is my kids mother, married 8 yrs. and she left me for another man. I'm to blame for some of this like anyone here. I believe we are both better off apart now. She still goes psycho b@#%ch on me at times 10 plus yrs. later. Including December around Christmas talking with W at bar and spewing about me to break us apart. Yet she has a part of me (kids) and some memories that I will always love.

#3 5 yrs. together everything in common. She leaves, remarries and then regrets it and wants back. I tell her not now but lets see in time. She can't wait divorces H and marries again. Then later tells me it was a mistake and still wants to come back. By this time i'm with W and working on what I have now. I still love her and wish her the best but she has since moved to midwest and I haven't heard from her in 6 months.

Which brings me to #4 current. I truly love her like no other. We have talked about this in the past. She knows my history, and I know hers, (sad as it may be). We connect for each other like nobody before. I haven't heard from her in months. She still has things of mine at her house. I still have a key. Yet, she has a BF. What she's thinking and if i'm in her thoughts I don't know. What makes this confusing is we don't have kids or the long term together (4 yrs.) on and off. I still have this draw to stand and I don't know why...

Like I said, I do Love them all!

It sounds cliche but my W feels like my soulmate and I feel compelled to stand but I have second thoughts. Even a current young hottie (OMG) that is professing love for me over the internet. YES I KNOW.......

Lots of history for a small question but I don't have all the family stuff with this one that so many of you do.

Does it make a difference in the stand?

cire