OM/PA, MLC and the hits keep coming............Pt2

[andyv]

Husband, Just got a call from W, she admitted to everything re PA etc. She still maintains that it just started (but I suppose it doesn't really matter).

I was very calm on the phone and recommended that we do the divorce together, and look after each other in regards to DD, property etc. She was very happy with this.

She has given me her word that she will go 50/50 with everything, including custody. I came into the M with a beachside property, large superannuation fund, shares etc, and paid off all her debts. The thing that annoyed me was when she brought up that she was entitled to 70/30 (during her angry period).

I asked her was she happier with OM than she ever was with me, she said no, but she is happy with him? She also admitted that she did not find him attractive at first, but he was there for her when I wasn't.

These two revelations cut me like a knife. If only.......................

I feel pretty shattered at the moment.

But there is a relative calm over me, I suppose it is a sort of closure for me.

Anyway, I am going out tonight (DD is at my mums) and will be surrounded by good friends. I just have to keep living my life, and what will be will be.

[RedHeadWife]

Well, if you don't want to be done, I think the things she said about him would indicate there is still hope that she doesn't necessarily want to be w/ him. I would say don't say "if only," start trying to be that H she wanted "back then." I'm obviously not saying you are at fault here, I'm just saying if you still want to stick it out & try to work on getting her back, that could be a start. Showing her the man you can be, happy with yourself and confident about life, and I bet she'll choose that over some "OM."

[andyv]

Thanks Cadesmom34,

You are right.

I really did think things were improving. I have been GALing, keeping fit etc etc. W has been more considerate and pleasant over the last few weeks. I suppose it was the calm before the storm.

I value nothing more than my family.

I hope I can have the strength to forgive and forget if things do change for the better, but at the moment I don't think I can. I am a little confused at this time.

[RedHeadWife]

Get the book "After the Affair." It's a good one. My H has cheated numerous times and I'm finally to the point of, if he does it again, he's gone. Because of that, I think part of me has allowed myself to trust him again.

Maybe spending this time with him will wake her up to reality?

Just keep an open mind. You honestly never know what is going to happen. All of this -- your sitch -- may have happened just so you and your W could get to a better place. That's how I've began looking at my H wanting a D and telling me he no longer loved me for all those months. I figure it needed to happen so that we could end up growing and figuring out what we need to do to have the M we both want and need.

[Dr LOve]

Andyv-

GO OUT, don't think about anything else tonight. it will all still be here tomorrow. have a beer on me

Husband

[andyv]

Cadesmom34,

Thank you for your advice. It is good to hear other peoples sitches and how they got through it all.

I do have the book. I started reading it a few months ago and stopped all of a sudden. It sort of got to me, all the home truths and my failings etc.

I think you are 100% right in regards to this week, either making or breaking their relationship. They have not had any time alone as yet (other than maybe one or two nights over the last few months).

Thanks again.

[andyv]

Husband,

My first beer will be dedicated to you and the building of a better M with your W. I will probably skull that one and pace myself afterwards

I am stopping by my sisters place for dinner (she is so wonderful), then out with the lads.

I hope you have a great night also.

P.S Would you believe I spent 8 years in the Royal Australian Navy, and never did get a tattoo. Funny that.

[RedHeadWife]

Hope you had a great evening and got home safe & sound! Keep your head up and know that things will be ok one of these days. Unfortunately, during sitch's like ours, patience is the key and sometimes that is SO HARD!!

[Yoyowife]

Andy,
I'm sorry to hear that your W is wanting a D. I know how hard it is. I too realize that I had many shortcomings that led to the demise of our marriage, but the cheating part just kills me.

I hope you had a great time last night.

Yoyo

[saddadinkc]

AndyV, tough stuff man! It sounds like she is going to stay on this plane she's on right up until impact. It also sounds like she knows she is making a big mistake. I know you will be alright which ever way this goes.

Tom