I'm breezing through Section 5 of my course, and there's only 2 more after that before I start the practice exams.(total of 10) And that's with pretty much taking a break from it the last couple of days. Woohoo. My sister just called. She almost always only calls when she needs something... not a big deal, just is the way it is. Well, turns out she needs her car to be parked somewhere other than her apartment while she's gone for 10 days and wanted to know if I'd like to use it. Really hit me in a good way, after I was so let down with my Dad today. I am grateful... told her it will be really helpful. Of course, the control freak (my Dad) is the one who suggested it to her. I figure it's his way to feel like a good person after he lied to me and intimidated my Mom ultimately managing to cause chaos temporarily... all because he was trying to control logistics when my brother comes into town tomorrow. Wonder why I learned to be so freaking self-forgetful. It's hard work breaking the cycle. But I'm determined. Life is so interesting.
HS... thanks for your post before my last thread locked. Mint crush for you, coming right up. Glad I had you smiling. Yeah, last night was a step in the right direction. I AM strong and happy and that WILL only grow for me.
Me: 37 M: 14 yrs Separated 10/06; Filed for D 12/07 Life is good.
Hi Trip. Thanks for checking in on me. I'm still here in Newcomers, though I'm often thinking about where I should move to. My Fourth of July turned out good, after a rough start. Went to Seattle with my brother and his gf. Spent a lot of time at the Experience Music Project. There is so much to see there. Very cool. I'm hangin' in there. It's been a bit of a rough week here and there, but also bright spots. Good that I've had company... that has kept me busy and not given me room to be too down. I think part of the reason I've been struggling a bit more is my Naturopathic Doc had me coming off of the supplements I was taking. She thought I was doing good and probably didn't need them any longer. Well, just in case it's that I've started them back up. Stayed around the house yesterday, I made us a great lunch/early dinner, and I was bocce ball champion to boot. Pretty good since my bro and his gf were both competitive at the game. It was fun. How are you? You sound good, from the posts I've read of yours. Hope you and everyone had a great Fourth!
HS... thanks for noticing that I am working on myself. I try, just some times more successfully than others. I feel like I can recognize many things but effectively learning from those things is another story. I have worked to have healthier relations with my parents since I was an adult, and I credit myself for having as good of a R as I do with them now, but just have to continue to learn. As I write this I realize I have felt like I have to be the "adult" in that R, and that's exactly what I did with my H. I made some choices to try to balance it out with him, but in a way I was just dumbing myself down in that process. I'm sure it didn't make him feel like a man either. I probably just need to be with someone who IS a man... that might make it easier.
I have felt like I miss my H more lately... since last week when I knew he stopped by the house. I'm not detached. I started feeling like I wanted him to come back and work on things with me. It's always tough when you know you've backslided.(Friday) I attempted some damage control (Saturday), but the damage was done. He had come around just a little possibly, and I pushed him away. I should've known better, but it's what happened. I've thought about it and I think I'm just not ready to truly and fully attract him or anybody back in my life right now.
I do like where I'm headed at the moment. Even though it's been kinda rough, I have a good feeling. I feel ready to turn up the volume on my DBing again. I have been doing really good with working toward a career and financial independence for myself. I recognize my progress, and am going to build on that. Today, I actually got a call from that broker I'd talked to. I dropped a thank you letter off for him 2 weeks ago and in that had mentioned that I'd take him up on his offer to talk again. Well, I haven't been ready to discuss things further, so I hadn't called him yet. Made me feel good that he was interested enough in talking to me more about RE that he looked me up. I will call him back on Monday.
Well, I'll save the rest for another post.
Me: 37 M: 14 yrs Separated 10/06; Filed for D 12/07 Life is good.
Hi J... Look, it seems to me that you did exactly what you were meant to do with your H right now. Don't look at it as a mistake, more of a clear signal that you are not ready to have that olive branch extended today.
The thing that we tend to forget is that it is not just about their timing, it's ours as well. We have to be in a loving and accepting place in order to have those steps forward and if we aren't and they step up, we have to be strong enough to tell them, not yet.
I am so glad to hear about the Broker calling you again, Good for you. Focus on that career path and financial independance for now. Let the other stuff work itself out in time.
Well, got through my sister's wedding yesterday. It was a FUN day. I really like what the pastor had to say about M during the ceremony. He talked about love being a "decision" and not a feeling, and about just how many marriages are ending in D, and that he thinks its because spouses don't realize that love is "giving". Not what you usually hear at a wedding... at least not that direct... and I thought it was good. Was nice to see an old childhood friend who wants to reconnect. She told me she was going to be on the lookout for a guy for me after she learned of my sitch, and she also thinks I'll make a great real estate agent. She's been through some of this and is now happily remarried and just had her 2nd child 13 years after her 1st.
I'd say you're right, HS... I am definitely getting more comfortable with taking care of me and asking for what I want. I still take my backslide seriously, and think they have the power to scare off the WAS even if they were genuinely extending an olive branch. I love that you're wanting me to feel better, but you guys might be going a little easy on me. Yeah, I want to truly be attracting people into my life... I just don't think I have been. I'll get there. I am getting myself back again.
I'm glad to be in a place where I see that I need to DO better WHILE not beating myself up over it. I need to be accountable to myself. The lashing out absolutely was a behavior of mine that pushed my H away. It felt abusive to him, and I think it was at times. I want and need to change that for ME no matter who I am relating with. What happened was I'd taken things personally. Sure, totally understandable, but that seems to invite a situation of feeling like I'm "being cheated on" and wanting to control him, instead of being detached and letting that be his problem. I won't be that weak or the victim, or use the hurt as an excuse to abuse him... I choose to be strong, confident, and in control of me. I don't know what came first, the chicken or the egg, but I will do my part. I think I'm learning to respect myself and believe it's the only way I will teach others how to treat me with respect. I want to deal with my anger in a more mature way and I've been doing a good job of it... just had a backslide. Bottom line... that wasn't how I want to handle myself, but change takes effort and time. It's really great to see that I'm learning to love myself... I'm patient and kind to ME. I'm excited about that.
Ian... yeah, I don't think it's an accident when our timing is off with theirs and vice versa. When and if it's meant to be, it will be. I think we need to work on ourselves in order to let that happen though. Besides taking things personally, I didn't have patience and wanted MORE when I was being given SOMETHING. I recognized this stuff and am correcting myself, and I'm feeling pretty darn good with where I'm at today. I'm OK with not getting it perfect for once too... yay! And I don't feel like I have to be perfect in order to move forward. Yep, keeping my focus on my career and financial independence.
Nice, Trip. I'm definitely not down.... had some tough times over the last week, but I'm coming back strong I think. Keep looking ahead is great advice!
Me: 37 M: 14 yrs Separated 10/06; Filed for D 12/07 Life is good.
Hey, HS. Thanks so much for your support. I really appreciate it. Sorry for any misunderstanding here. It's great that you and others don't rub it in when I make mistakes, don't get me wrong.
Quote:
I simply wanted to point out that it wasn't the end of the world and that if there's a real chance for something in the future, that isn't likely to be the death of it. You'll have other times when you can and will do it the way you want.
It's not the end of the world, that's for sure. I think I understood what you were saying. I was just stating my own opinion.
Me: 37 M: 14 yrs Separated 10/06; Filed for D 12/07 Life is good.
Wonder why I learned to be so freaking self-forgetful. 
It's hard work breaking the cycle. But I'm determined. 
It was fun. How are you? You sound good, from the posts I've read of yours. Hope you and everyone had a great Fourth!