All I keep thinking is that I am going to have to spend the holidays separated, AGAIN...that sucks....
The holidays are the pits. It makes me think of a line from "Jerry Maguire" where one of the women says, "The holidays are making me feel more divorced!"
Originally Posted By: S4N
My big hurdle right now is to lay off of the pressure but July seems to be slipping away so quickly.
Let it go...you'll do OK. Remember, it's just an artificial timeline.
Originally Posted By: S4N
Where DB/DR are down on separation, that book gave me great hope and let me feel ok about being separated.
I don't think separation is either good or bad on its own. Rather, I think the key is in why the parties are doing it, in what context, and how it's handled. Often (and particularly on this board), the why, what, and how are not good and are destructive to the relationship. When that is the case, then separation is less likely to be a step back to regroup and return than it is to be simply a step away.
Originally Posted By: S4N
It will be difficult to be living together again but I see it being that way no matter if we do it in August, September, October, etc...
If you are suggesting that there are no varying degrees of difficulty in living together after being separated and, thus, when and under what circumstances one does so are immaterial, then I have to disagree. You were living together before the separation and that wasn't working. On top of that, your spouse felt that walking out of the M was an acceptable way to deal with the issues at hand. Until the original issues (as well as those issues that have arisen as a result of the separation itself and any events that transpired during it) are resolved, it won't be much better the second time around.
In addition, you and your spouse (particularly the latter) need to be committed to making it work. You won't make much progress if, when the going gets tough (and it will), the acceptable alternative to sticking it out through the pain, anger, and hard work is to bail out.
All these take time to establish and your comments give no evidence that work on these has started. As a result, I do believe there may very well be a valid distinction between August, September, and October (maybe even November or December).
Originally Posted By: S4N
There is great progress in my sitch and then nada, that is so tough sometimes and I understand that is just a fact of life but the hurt can be so overwhelming.
Frustrating...ain't it? I hope (for your sake) this is true confusion on his part and not just a paralyzing fear of the unknown that drives him to keep you hanging on (if he really has no intention of ever going beyond the talk).
Originally Posted By: S4N
There is no OW that I know of but I have kept my mind open to that possibility...I keep my guard up just in case.
Probably a wise perspective. If there is an OW, then chances are he's lying about it. They all do...and become pretty good at it too from my own experience and what I've seen on other threads.
My best to you. I'd wish patience for you...but you must have quite a bit already if you've hung on this long.
