What do you not-single people do?

[AmyC]

Awww....that's the same thing I used to tell my husband!

[789]

You will tell him again.

[AmyC]

That and a few more things!

[MaxP]

Little off-topic, but for those of you who are separated, maybe without kids, what do you do with your time?

No idea. I seem to spend a lot of time doing not much that is constructive though and that annoys me.

Perhaps everyone else is off in second life or WOW? Whenever you hear reports of online games players it seems they can't get enough free time to spend in their alternative worlds.

I am only working part-time right now, so the free time is killing me. It is Friday night and I am bored to TEARS!!!!!

I can't read anymore self-help books. TV is driving my mind to a numb state. My husband took our friends with him (they were mostly his to begin with). The few friends I have made over the past year have been a great help, but you can only call/bug them so many times a week. Everyone my age (36) seems to be married with little kids.

Ponygirl, as you know I am in exactly the same position. If my wife knew how many self help books are stashed away she would think I am sooo sad. As you say, there are only so many TV programs to watch too. I need to interact with someone, to talk or just know that they are around. Also, entertaining yourself (that sounds bad!), can be so expensive.

I volunteer one night a week. Working out is starting to make me feel self-absorbed. If I lose any more weight I am going to be invisible.
Ideas, folks?

What kind of stuff do you help out with? That's not something that crossed my mind. I just think about the various courses I might like to do, but I'll have to wait a couple of months for things to start up over here after the summer holidays. One problem I think I have is that I've lost a sense of what I find fun. I want to find that again. On a related note, I've been out with friends a couple of times recently and am struck about how different my interaction with them is to that with my W. It's like the person I am has disappeared from our R. I make people laugh when I'm out and about, I don't know where that's gone from my R.

I miss the intimacy most though. That's the real killer.

[jacqm]

hey ponygirl, i know what you mean...my kids are grown and on their own; my life revolved around H and i've had to drop most of our friends as it made it difficult for him as he had to see them all the time.

for the first 6 months i couldn't remember what it was i liked to do.

do you have any hobbies or interests? any that were put on the back burner while together? like what someone else listed below, now's the time to start really doing fun and different things. learn something new, a new skill or artform.

i do art and photography, but never had the time...now i have the time and freedom but no money being out of work since feb.
i'm living in an old house that needs lots of repair, so i'm painting and fixing and learning lots of that kind of stuff...i'm painting just for me, so if i want to paint the walls purple and lime green, i can.

i haven't gotten to the point of getting out and meeting new friends, but that will start soon...i start a waitressing job next week...i may decide to teach again (art and adult ed).

the main thing is to realize that you have been given a wonderful opportunity to enrich yourself, to find yourself, to create a new you without worrying about someone else's wants/needs. don't think about the bar scene or dating-if you are fighting for your marriage, but grow in yourself...

have you tried swing dancing? around here, everyone's doing it-there might be 200 people at a dance, from high school to 80 yr olds, and few people come as couples, they just dance with everyone.

the hard part is trying to find out who YOU are...and that's also the best part. since you have to go through this, make it worthwhile...don't waste the opportunity.

jacqm

[mkultra]

Hey Pony. Your life sounds pretty full but Friday nights can seem long. I do not know what the environment is like where you live but we have gyms and yoga centers here in California that are open at night. I go out with friends but if not I do go out alone. I can eat and see a movie alone and not feel weird, but most times I can manage to find a few girls to go out with. I wish I had the time to take a local community college class because I love editing and I meet other filmmakers to shoot projects all the time. I am trying to see more live bands, but I will not go to a city concert alone at night, too dangerous for my taste. If that does not work for you, go to a salon and get a facial, wax, pedicure, hair dye. Some people do maintenance every week. I wish you could reclaim some of his/ your friends. I miss that too because I think "our" shared friends are truly avoiding us while we work on our issues. I could not believe we did not get one invite for 4th of July, usually we have to go to three or four BBQ's!

[delia]

Hi Pony--

You could write a chick lit novel and make a million bucks. Make sure that you have your H as a thinly-disguised character in the novel. Provide lots of steamy gym bunny sex. The heroine (you, of course) makes good in the end and rides off into the sunset with handsome dude who specializes in unusual and lengthy foreplay.

It can't fail...

[Dr.mom]

Uh, actually, I AM writing a novel.

Horsewoman in the rockies gets dumped by OCD husband. She starts to open her ranch up to movie stars that need to learn how to ride horses for the films they star in. Heroine lets the horses teach the starlets humility, and falls in love with a Brad-Pitt type character that spends the summer on her ranch, escaping th paparazzi and learning how to ride.

I mean, come on, all these actors ride horses in the movies, you think they knew how to do that ahead of time? Someone had to teach them . . . .

Good point about the gym-bunnie sex, will have to edit that in.

[mkultra]

I love it but you should never give your film ideas away! I write my screenplays/ short film vignettes and publish them to myself so no one can steal them later! Your idea is so great, it's very stealable. I suck as a writer, BTW! My English is no good!

[mkultra]

I love it but you should never give your film ideas away! I write my screenplays/ short film vignettes and publish them to myself so no one can steal them later! Your idea is so great, it's very stealable. I suck as a writer, BTW! My English is no good!