Don't continue doing things that make you resent her. If you are doing "your part" for a change, then you need to realize that in a 2-career family, doing half the chores is not a favor to your W. If you are doing more than that, and it is starting to bug you, STOP.
Another possible angle on the lesbian affair: Your W was blindsided by it. She had defenses up against OMs, but she worked successfully with and around lesbians her whole career and never felt tempted. And then in a weak moment she was seduced.
For women, its more about emotions and for men its more physical. There are married men out there who have M2M sex "on the side" instead of having an affair with OW, because they somehow think this isn't really cheating. They aren't gay, they're just shifty bastards.
