We are both conflict avoiders so while "peacefully co-existing" the resentments and hurts continued to grow and fester to the point where I emotionally divorced him.
If it was a peaceful coexistence, what was it about H that caused you to resent him? What caused the hurt? Just wondering because I think your reasons could help some of us understand the WAS's POV better.
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was a last ditch effort on my part. But I waited way way too long! This is where as a WAW I feel that I failed. Because I let things get so far gone before I took drastic action
You can't be hard on yourself for this -- you did what you thought was right at the time, and did it because you thought/hoped/wished that H would at some point come around (I think my W did the same thing, though she never wanted to do counseling -- she hates counseling because of bad childhood experienes with it). You gave it your all, and are still doing so -- a WAS that is still willing to consider reconciliation has a lot of respect from me, as well as probably all of the other LBS's on these boards. Don't think you failed -- you can't fail if you don't give up (I think Michele says that somewhere). However, if you do all you can here too in your last ditch effort, and H still doesn't come around, I would respect your decision to move on. We all have a breaking point (even LBS's), so at that point giving up might mean that H failed you, NOT the other way around.
Keep plugging away and making sure H knows and is willing to respect your boundaries if he wants a chance at saving your M. Have you considered making H a list of things that you need from him now and in the future ("now" for sure) so he has some guidance. IMO, he just doesn't think giving you space is productive -- he sees it as telling you he doesn't have an investment in the M, and also that it is allowing you the opportunity to move on. He's scared to give you space and time -- trust me on this one, because I was the same way.
