I have decided to file for legal separation after being separated for 9 months now.
It really is your call. The reasons I decided to go ahead and file legally are -
1. She told me last week she wants to file our taxes separately. This presents a problem to me because I have no court order for the money I've been giving her every month and can't deduct it from my income; likewise, she doesn't have to include it in her income.
2. It's been nine months. She's been with OM for 1.5 years now.
3. In my state if she gets pregnant by OM and has the baby while we're still married, it's legally my child. Of course, that could probably be remedied but not without more lawyers fees and it's assuming he'd want responsibility for his child.
4. She says she doesn't want a divorce and needs time to think but her actions tell me otherwise. If she's already planning on filing taxes separately, that's another 6 months + away. She's already told a friend of hers that she is bringing her "boyfriend" to a wedding in October. It doesn't seem like she's thinking about reconciling very seriously.
There are other reasons, but I think you get the point. Any lawyer will give you a free consultation and if you choose not to retain them there is no record of it anywhere; your husband doesn't need to know. Of course, most likely any lawyer is going to say you should file legal separation papers. You'll have to try to ignore that and just ask them questions on the pros and cons of doing so. There's no need to be in a rush, but you should get yourself as informed as possible. I know some of the laws I've found out about seem patently ridiculous and I can't believe they were ever passed.
