Thank you sunny , GD and Nomopo for looking in and your kind words. I do think there is a small ray of hope , but I will need to be patient. One thing I forgot to note is that I spoke to W about going to a counceller , just for herself , she is going to consider it which is huge for her.
My poor D(12) , I asked her earlier if she wanted to stay with W for the evening , which she did. W tells me that D was worried that she hurt my feelings by not coming home with me. I explained to her that any time she wants with her mum is more than OK with me. W asked D if she wanted to stay tommorrow night with her but D did not want to. I will encourage her to go the next night though because I will be back at work and W can take her horse riding the next day. I got home tonight with D and two of my good friends turned up with some beers . One I talked to today so he knew W was leaving so he went round picked up another buddy and they came round , that was so cool of them to do that.
Dave-- It is expected that your kids will feel some effects--you handled it very well, and I am sure your D knows that you are there for her. That actually might make her want to spend some extra time with W, since D senses that she is where the problem may be. Just keep reminding her that it is not her fault (she won't believe you), and that she can talk and ask Qs any time, of either of you, or another adult in her life.
Good to hear that flesh-and-blood support came around! Much harder to let yourself get down when support is there for you.
Dave, I don't know if it is morning or night down under, but just thinking of you! I think that your strength through this period will serve you well in your R with W and kids.
Just keep up the PMA and live your life the best you can my friend.
SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
Thank you all so much for the support , it realy helps through tough times like this. W came around this afternoon and spent some time with the youngest two at our house while I went out and visited some friends and did a few things I needed to do. Oh yeah she knocked before she came in , we both laughed about that. I got us both a coffee and W told me she woke at 2.00 am and couldnt get back to sleep. This is after only about 4 hrs sleep the night before as well. At S's suggestion she stayed and had take away dinner with us and we all watched a movie together then W left and headed back to her place. I dont know if it was good thing but its sure nice that we had some family time. Interesting that Saturday nite fish and chips are a bit of a tradition and we put a blanket out and eat on the floor , all except W who has always got a plate and sat on the couch. Tonight she joined us all on the floor. W asked D if she would stay tommorrow nite with her and D doesnt want to go , that hurt W I am sure. I will talk to D in the morning and explain that it would help me out if she goes and stays with W for the nite. I got 2 hugs when W left then S16 comes down and makes sure I am OK. I tell you they are great kids.
Sounds like you had a pretty darn good day with the family, considering the sitch and all of the possible alternatives, eh? That's neat that W joined you guys on the floor this time -- IMO that shows she's done some reflecting and maybe feels that being closer as a family is something she would like to work on (or something along those lines -- bottom line, she made a conscious choice to do that).
And you're right -- sounds like you've got some pretty great kids, there! Your S16 making sure you were okay after W left got me teared up a little bit (but that's not hard to do!)
Yep I couldnt imagine a better day in the circumstances. Thanks to DBing.
Journaling
Since our separation ( a whole 2 days now ) there has been a noticeable shift in W's actions towards me . I took D12 to her today , W came up and gave a hug hello , I went and got D's stuff out of the car and got her set up to stay the night. W offered coffee and I accepted but left straight after. I am off on a work trip tommorrow just for the day and said I would see D when I get back , I could swear I heard W say drive carefully but D spoke over her. W then complained her MP3 wouldnt work ( its new) I said the battery is flat and since she doesnt have a computer I offered to take it and charge it up , then there was something else she needed from home , I offered to drop it to her later , W says " dont go out of your way but if you can?" Another Hug and a peck when I left. Wow Ive had more real hugs in 2 days than 3 months . So later It was a nice day and I got my motorcycle out and went for a spin, stopping at W's on way back to give her the MP3 and other stuff she wanted. I didnt hang about , another hug and a very definite "ride carefully wont you" .She stays at the door watching me leave . Its been so long since she has said " ride or drive carefully " to me. I reckon these have got to be baby steps.
. One I talked to today so he knew W was leaving so he went round picked up another buddy and they came round , that was so cool of them to do that.