Rob, hey man just had to drop in and say hello. You have been a voice of reason in a sea of confusion and I always appreciate your input. Hope all is well in your life.
Me 45 WAW 46 Married 23yrs D22 S18 D12 W moved out 1/12/07 Divorce Final 2/06/08
Back from vacation - went pretty well, no Big Dramas or anything. Trying to catch up at home, at work, and of course on the boards over the next few days...
Talk to ya later, hope everyone is doing well!
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
The career stuff is going pretty well. Right now, I'm almost done reading a book called "Working Identity: Unconventional Strategies for Reinventing Your Career" by Herminia Ibarra. It's one of the better books on the subject I have found - discussing what causes us to want to change careers, how the process typically goes, and how to guide yourself through it.
One bit I particularly enjoyed was talking about how we often stay "stuck" in unfulfilling work, for a variety of reasons. For example, we keep telling ourselves it will get better, we learn to ignore and live with the bad stuff, or we simply refuse to take accountability for our own destinies. Gee, does any of that sound familiar, like how I got into the mess of a failing marriage? Hmmm, I sure think so!
The book also talked about how it sometimes takes a dramatic event, either for the good or the bad, to shake us out of that rut and get us moving in another direction. In other words, a bomb...
Just sorta enjoying the parallels here.
On another front, it's time to get myself a new car. D15 will be inheriting my old one before too long. The process of analyzing my requirements and choices is fun, distracting, and aggravating, all at the same time. Mostly fun though!
This week, W and I are kid-free. We've been spending our evenings with other couples - Monday her friends, Tuesday mine (MBA team mates that W never had met until last night - it was funny to realize how much more outgoing I am in their presence than what W usually sees), and tonight we're going to dinner with the parents of another teen who is off at the same band camp as D15. Lots of fun, lots of that getting out with people that W felt was a big part of "what was missing". Hoping we have a great time tonight - both at dinner and afterwards at home (it's been too long! )
My PMA is pretty good these days, and I'm not letting the latest bomb get me down. Instead, just using it as fuel to keep me back on track and moving.
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
The high school music booster activities are really cranking into high gear as we get ready for the start of the school year. Lots of meetings, peace-making, and budget-reviewing going on. I'm working on ways to make the organization more "visible" and get more people involved.
Had my second meeting with my career counselor last night. It was really cool - she is SO enthusiastic about my future, it really pumps me up! I commented on one thing I liked from the book I recommended earlier: When you are wanting to make a change in your life, it is ESSENTIAL to broaden your network of friends and associates. Even if the folks who already know you are "supportive", they have a preconceived notion of you that is hard for them to shake, at least subconsciously. It's much easier to be "the new you" with people who never KNEW the old you - and their reaction then gives you validation and encouragement.
W is struggling with frustration in her own job right now - doing my best to be supportive without "fixing". W is also being more affectionate towards me, which is of course welcome. Came home one night last week to find her already two glasses of wine ahead of me - very giggly and feeling no pain. That was a Very Good Evening.
W and I are reaching out to more people, more often, to do stuff together. For example, this Sunday (after we ship D15 off to marching band camp), we suggested to several other band parents that we celebrate by going to an outdoor concert that night. Got several immediate RSVPs of people who will come - good stuff. It feels like W and I are working together to do these things more, which seems like the ideal way to build the R and our friendships with people.
D15 is being quite the snotty, spoiled, sullen teenager lately. Had the old Elton John song "The B!tch is Back" running through my head all weekend, if that gives you any indication...
Still bike riding, both with W and with a couple other friends, whenever I can. Really enjoying the nice weather we are having right now! I need to do more riding, and also go back on a diet - my weight is creeping up past where I like it.
To top it off, I'm very busy at work.
Summing up: Busy, happy, and optimistic about the future. What more could anyone ask?
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
Hey Rob .. this all sounds good, especially the bit where you are W work together to arrange social gatherings. Sounds very much to me like your recent mini bomb from W was a positive thing - she felt comfortable enough with you to share her feelings, with the aim of making your M better.
Can I ask you to go easy on your D? I ask because I was a teenage b1tch too, have just found out my mum STILL hasn't forgiven me .... if they were to ask me why I was so low and nasty when I was a teenager I'd tell them it's because most days I wanted to die. And I mean die. Your D will come round, she's establishing herself as an adult, flexing her adult muscles. But hey, I know you know this really
Bomb (ILYBINILWY, don't want to be married)Sept05 Seperated Sept/Oct 05 Oct 06 - H recomitted July 11 - I am now a WAW.
Ditto Jen about the teenage b*tch thing. Your daughter is being exactly who she's supposed to be. Maybe DB her? Because, Rob, teenagers ARE aliens, big time. Trust me, I work with 7th and 8th graders, and they can be wicked crazy. I just out crazy them and am a non-judgmental ear if they need it.
And yeah...teenage girls especially LOATHE themselves. EVERYTHING about them is wrong, wrong, wrong. I hated myself at the age...really actually did until about this time last year. It's part of the gift of womanhood in our society....
Keep up the great life work!
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
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