When you're married, you can be paralyzed by a fear of doing the wrong thing and driving your spouse away. In that state, you'd rather do nothing than do the wrong thing. You get all self-conscious while she's in your space.
If the spouse is gone, so is the fear of offending her or losing her... it's already happened. You're free to act without fear, and discover what you like to do.
The ideal situation is to get over your fear and your self-consciousness so you can be yourself and embrace what makes you happy while you're still with the other person. But a lot of people have trouble doing that, and only discover the rewards that acting without being paralyzed by anxiety bring when they're alone. If they're smart, they'll remember those rewards and hang on to that mindset if and when the spouse returns.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
