Not sure anymore

[RedHeadWife]

Sent the following email to H this a.m. What do you guys think?

Dear H:

It seems our conversation the other day about "our song" somehow opened a door for me. I haven't felt, up to this point, comfortable talking to you about anything "relationship-related" after all that has happened in our marriage and between the two of us, recently and in the past.

I have to say that I have learned so very much during this period of time. As much as it was a horrible experience, hearing my husband tell me he was not in love with me anymore and wanted a divorce at all costs, I believe the whole situation needed to happen so that we could get to a better place with each other and build a marriage that will last and be a beautiful thing.

What I never realized, and I don't think a lot of people realize, is how much effort it takes to keep a marriage strong. I feel I was just going through the motions of life and not putting in my part to keep you and I good and happy and fulfilled. I now see what I need and can do to make sure that that is happening.

I have done a lot of research over the past months and it seems that what happened to us is actually very common, however, some people choose to take the easy way out and not try to work things out or just live in an unhappy marriage, not knowing how to "fix" things.

I realize that I was very emotionally and therefore physically distant from you. I can explain some reasons why that happened, but can't necessarily explain all of it because I don't necessarily understand why I felt the way I did or did some of the things I did.

All I know, H, is that I love you with my entire being and want nothing more than for us to be happy TOGETHER. I miss you so much, but maybe this time apart is doing us some good as well.

I promise to you that I will always be willing to put my 100% into you and I and our marriage and not let anything else in our lives get in the way of that. I realize now that you and I need to be at a good place in order for us to be good parents and a good example for our boys. We need to show them what marriage is about and how to love your partner with all that you have.

I hope you have forgiven me for my transgressions in our marriage. I have had to forgive myself and not dwell on the past and what I know I did wrong and where I was at fault for many things.

I do not wish to rehash all that has happened between us, but I do know that we need to be able to communicate 100%. I need you to tell me when I am not fulfilling your needs, physically and emotionally. I need you to be able to tell me what you need and when you need it. I want to be the wife that you would never want to lose or leave.

I am 100% commited to you and our marriage and our family and all I want is for us to be so completely happy and want for nothing. I want our marriage to be a beautiful thing where we feel loved, secure, completely comfortable with one another, best friends and lovers.

I'm telling you all of this because, like I said, up to this point, I was still afraid that anything I said or did could change your mind about staying with me. I now want to be able to talk to you about anything and know that you love me and want our marriage to be good again as well.

I truly believe we are on the road to recovery and have been for some time. I still don't know and may never know exactly what changed your mind about staying with me, however, I am just thankful that I've been given a second chance to make things right and good with us.

I love you, H, and want us to spend the rest of our lives together happily and fulfilled. I don't want there to be anything standing between us and we need to continue to communicate completely with each other how we are feeling and what it is we need from each other.

I love you, babe, and miss you so very much. I can't wait to see you in August. I think our time over there together will be wonderful. Like a second honeymoon. I see us growing already and I think we are just going to continue to get better & better as time goes by. I truly hope you feel the same way.