I dicsussed this very thing with two of my friends whose H had died....one agreed that she felt it was better that he died then if he had left her...she was left focusing on the good memories of their life and knew he loved her to the end... The other said it was not better because she said she knew he was gone...never to return... At the time I was grieving the death of my marriage (yes I grieved it even though we are back together....that marriage is dead)...I really kept thinking it would be so much easier if he had just died...at one point he thought I told him I "wished" he was dead....I didn't say that but that is how things get twisted...anyway...he even questioned why I would want him back... But now, with all that has been said and done...I am glad he didn't die...because I was rewarded for my work and my H did eventually come home...and as hard as it was for me to see at the time...he came home, yes a changed man, but not the one that left me and was so cold to me...I really questioned many many times what I was waiting for...and as I said...for my sanity I did move on...on my own...before his return...but I often would think if we got back together I would always be walking on egg shells...bending over backwards to serve his needs...constantly putting his feelings and happiness ahead of my own...in the beginning it was a bit like that...I had to let things run the course and allow time for him to settle...but I can honestly say that I walk proud...don't tippy-toe around him...and I don't bend over backwards to serve him...it isn't what I expected it to be judging from what he was doing when he left... I can say that along with my own changes...that I intend to be the new improved me and his changes that he finally got through we are doing so much better then before...it is a challenge getting through that first year together...and I did question my own sanity...but I am greatful that I was able to hang in there to see what the "other side" of this marriage would really look like... And like your H's OW...mine was very experienced although much younger then him...she had been married "2 or 3" times...he couldn't remember...and had 4 kids by as many men...where my H had really only dated a few girls, none long term, and none where there was anything physical...I was his first...and even though I was younger I was the more experienced one in the relationship....so when OW got her hands on him she really dug in deep...distance was my friend...she lived in another state and she couldn't move due to child custody issues...he could have moved but before doing so and marrying her he came to his senses and realized that she was not what he wanted to spend his life with...she was a smoker, he hated smoking, all her other H's had been of a different race (nothing wrong there but none of the kids would have even been close to resembling my H and she wanted more and wanted him to raise her's as his own and I think that would have been odd), she was 14 years younger, had a foul mouth, and her kids were always screaming and crying (our kids weren't like that, we had good babies)...about the only thing he could say was she kept a clean house (according to pictures and family)and she would do whatever he said (according to him, I think she would have changed with the vows, but that is my feeling)...
So my point....sorry this is so long...is that one never really knows how these crazy things end up...I came to the point of moving on...but I always KNEW that as long as neither of remarried there was always that very sliver of a chance...and when I had let go of that after about 16 months...and really let him have it...let him know I was done...and walked away from him (for once)....two months later he was moving back to town and about 4 month after that we were together again...
