I just want her to come home!

[Atlas]

Nomo, GD & Pamar,

Thanks for the encouragement. The high's and low's are extremes and you grasp at all you can, but it is helpful to have support and I thank you.

[Atlas]

Well it looks like its the ninth inning.

She came by for the pick up of the S tonight. I wanted to avoid all conversation since I was already in a bad mind set after working through some finance issues. It looks like I’m going to be taking on in addition to the day job, not business, an additional night job and a roommate to top of the ice cream sundae.

Well W comes in and says she needs to talk, so I’m available. Well she is going to file and then she had the nerve to ask me for the fees. I had to bit my lip, but I told her that this is her decision and she will have to take care of it. She didn’t like that and asked why I wouldn’t help pay for it. I KNOW THIS WASN’T GOOD! I told her that I couldn’t sleep at night knowing I had done that, but if she felt it necessary then I wouldn’t try to stop it either.

She asked if it was because I didn’t want to have to explain that to the son one day. I said that was part of it. I know she is lost, W said she wasn’t sure and it was going to be either the best thing she ever did for herself or the worst mistake of her life.

I know I have to keep hope and keep DB’ing, but she is one of those people that once she decides something she does it. I can hear it and see it in her and I think she is going to do it.

Well at this point I have been doing most of chapter five that talks about if your separated. Avoiding the R talk, just being upbeat, and while I think I have gotten those results in a positive direction, I think I have to try and go semi-dark and GAL. I do have a comedy show tomorrow with some friends, and I know buddies GF is bringing along some girls to meet me. I feel pretty weird about that.

What should I do, go semi-dark (the son)? I’m doing the 180, not making rash decisions. Have practiced the As if. I think it has gone to far.

[Atlas]

Oh forgot to add,

W said she noticed the changes and wished I would have been this way all along. She also stated that she thought they were a show, but that 90 days (how long it takes the D to run through the court) would be enough time for her to decide if it was bull.

But right after that, she states, even if it isn't a show it will be nice to have such a good exspouse.

[Gone Dancin']

Atlas,

One thing I would hesitate to do if I was in your shoes is get involved with the "girls" your friend's GF is bringing to the comedy show. Be friendly with them of course, but don't do anything that would jeopardize your chances of fixing your M. It may be tempting (esp with these new revelations from W), but in the long run I believe you will regret getting together with them in any way. Just my feelings...

W said she noticed the changes and wished I would have been this way all along. She also stated that she thought they were a show, but that 90 days (how long it takes the D to run through the court) would be enough time for her to decide if it was bull.

This, to me, is more positive than negative. If she is saying she likes these changes, then keep it up and DON'T WAIVER AT ALL. Even if the D goes through, you must keep up the changes both for you and for the possibility of reconciliation post-D (if you're open to that). IMO, she's kind of hinting to you to keep it up if you expect a chance at getting her back. I may be wrong, but I think this statement is kind of like a test for you -- study hard!

GD

[Nomopo]

Her comments suggests some real confusion, some real internal conflict. I wouldn't be at all surprised if she doesn't file. I'd just play it cool, and not push, and see what she does.

Well it looks like its the ninth inning.

Not necessarily. Some of her comments are alien spew. As hard as it is, let the slide off your back. She is perhaps trying to test you, and get a reaction, or trying to convince herself, but she does seem very conflicted.

I had to bit my lip, but I told her that this is her decision and she will have to take care of it. She didn’t like that and asked why I wouldn’t help pay for it. I KNOW THIS WASN’T GOOD! I told her that I couldn’t sleep at night knowing I had done that, but if she felt it necessary then I wouldn’t try to stop it either.

Sounds like you handled this fine and as well as you could.

I know she is lost, W said she wasn’t sure and it was going to be either the best thing she ever did for herself or the worst mistake of her life.

Although not the best DBing, I would have been tempted to say, I understand. It is a big decision. I don't think you should rush to file. Take some time to figure out what you want. In the end, I just want you to be happy, but there is no rush to make any dcisions today.

I know I have to keep hope and keep DB’ing, but she is one of those people that once she decides something she does it. I can hear it and see it in her and I think she is going to do it.

Maybe. We'll see. Play it cool. Some times when there have been some positives, the WAS gets scared, and doubts these things that they thought they had settled in their minds, and they do something to try to shake you and to get themselves back to where they thought the were clear. So, this looks like the classic push away after some positive interactions.

Well at this point I have been doing most of chapter five that talks about if your separated. Avoiding the R talk, just being upbeat, and while I think I have gotten those results in a positive direction, I think I have to try and go semi-dark and GAL.

Definitely GAL. Why do you think Go Dark? What do you mean by that. As part of your LRT, you definitely have to stop the chase, but do you mean doing something more than that? I'd keep it loving. You've been doing good, actually, so I'm not sure tonight out to change much. Remember, believe nothing they say and only half of what they do.

I do have a comedy show tomorrow with some friends, and I know buddies GF is bringing along some girls to meet me. I feel pretty weird about that.

Be careful. You're vulnerable right now. Decide what is important to you and how you want to handle things before you go, and stick to it.

What should I do, go semi-dark (the son)? I’m doing the 180, not making rash decisions. Have practiced the As if. I think it has gone to far.

You think what has gone too far?

W said she noticed the changes and wished I would have been this way all along. She also stated that she thought they were a show, but that 90 days (how long it takes the D to run through the court) would be enough time for her to decide if it was bull.

Good signs.

But right after that, she states, even if it isn't a show it will be nice to have such a good exspouse.

Like I said, she is conflicted. You need to be steady. Have you read about the castle and picnic in my thread? This is it. Just keep having your great little picnic, ok?

Hope it helps, and hang in there,
Nomopo

[Trip]

Keep up with what you are doing. As she says she is watching but that doesn't matter right now. Stay focused on you.

[Atlas]

Thanks for your perspectives. I'm just going to keep doing what I am doing, keep up the changes in me and wait and see.

I'm just heading out, I don't think I'm going to be ready to meet someone even after this may end for some time. GD has me thinking about the truck I want, and I think it may be time to treat myself to some things in life.

Well, I'll keep updating on what happens, but W is very strong willed person, I'd bet she fills within the next 2 weeks. It's probably better to believe it when I see it, but she doesn't want to wait.

[Atlas]

Sorry, another update of forgoten issues. It was just such a blow last night, I keep remembering as time goes by.

I know I'm not supposed to hound and chase, and I need to give her space. Well, I have my son often and we see each other about 5 days a week. She told me that I needed to come down to her place and see him more often. I have him now in the evenings on Tue-Thurs and then early Sat to Sunday afternoon.

I'm not complaining about time with the boy, I'd be happy to have all day and night, and I do want to go over and see him, but with her and I seeing each other already 5 days a week in passing, why would she want me at her place the other 2? I just feel like I would be smoothering her new life.

[OneWish]

I know I'm not supposed to hound and chase, and I need to give her space. Well, I have my son often and we see each other about 5 days a week. She told me that I needed to come down to her place and see him more often. I have him now in the evenings on Tue-Thurs and then early Sat to Sunday afternoon.

You are not chasing. She ASKED you to come over. Big difference. You are not forcing yourself down her throat. This is good because she will see that you are a good H involved in your son's life. She will see what a great guy she is missing out on. You should want to see your son as much as possible.

[Iamworththetime]

I agree with onewish, if she asked you then it's not chasing, I also believe she asked you because she wants you to be around too.