Am hanging in there. Today me and child visited out local musuem and library. Went swimming had supper. Took a long walk for ice cream cones. Talked to a buddy of mine, may come visit soon.

The thing about all of this that drives me so crazy sometimes is the uncertainy of it all. Not knowing what is gonna happen next. Nomo I seen you touched on this theme in the last 24 hours too......

I mean here I am, married for 4 years. With a beautiful daughter. Just bought a house. Both of us making decent money, bills are getting paid. Things seem to be going ok. Yeah not always happy, when she did something that made me angry or hurt...just suck it up, thats part of being married, right?
But honestly for the most part content with things.

Then bammmmmm, within 2 months my world is turned upside down. My wife moves out, leaving me with the complete finacial burdon of maintaining this house. I see my daughter only 1/2 of the time I used too. Although I will admit that the time I spend with daughter is much more high quality now.....

In retrospect, when I try to see thru "her" eyes, yes I can see where she felt neglected. That I did not pay the attention to my wife that I should of. That perhaps, instead of just "sucking in up" I should have truly been there. I did fail her alot.

But dammit, I did not quit us. I wanted to work things out..I wanted to go to counciling, and do whatever it takes. But in her words........"its too late" and when I think about this, it really pisses me off. For what she has done to our marriage, our daughter.

I guess I need to still do whatever it takes, but this stand off.... this long period of nothing well it wears on me. I am tired of all of the uncertainy. My hopes are fading, it is sad.

I am just babbling here......perhaps just need to attempt to purge some of the poisen that has been eating me lately. Need to remember that I have also been doing alot of good lately too. I am Getting A Life. I have been reaching out to people. I am working hard at being a more extroverted person. I think that there are a whole lot of guys like me out there too. We do our work, our family thing, watch TV, play on our computers.... but do we have any real friends? I had some good friends about 15 years ago... but people move, things change. I know that I need to continue to work in that direction.

Ok......I will shut up for now. Dont hardly know what I am saying anymore right now. Thanks for reading my stuff......