I haven't posted in a long time and my old thread is http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1085740&page=17#Post1085740 A lot has happened since this last post. My husband has broken off all contact and took some time off work. He seems to be trying really hard and I have thought long and hard about what to do. 35 yrs. is a long time and actually I have known this man most of my life. I allowed him to move back in ( spare room). I have really unloaded on him and he just keeps saying he is sorry and what can he do now to make me feel better. My problem is the anger I am feeling and I cannot get this other person out of my mind. . I have been sick over this , physically and emotionally. Any advice?
I am both glad and sorry for you. Wish this was easy but I can certainly understand your difficulties. One thing I would definitely do is to visit a counselor. They can advise you of techniques to help or, if necessary, could refer you for medication to smooth out the rough spots.
On the flip side, It seems that you have to be open and honest with your husband about your feelings and he is responding. If you feel the anger increasing, go for a quick walk. Count to 10 taking deep breathes. Also, the Internet is a resource. Anything.
You can do this violets. But don't feel like you have to do this without help, hence the recommendation of mental health professionals.
I have cancelled 3 appts. with a counselor. My husband is seeing one but I kept putting it off. I have an appt. in the morning at 10:00. I am going to keep this one. I really felt so bad I just sat or stayed in bed for a couple of weeks which is why I didn't post anything here. Thanks so much for some input, I appreciate any advice.
Hang in there. It is great that you are getting to the C in the morning. Just be open and honest. The C can help you more than we can. And remember this is a positive development and nothing worthwhile comes easy.
Thanks again for the support. I don't know why I dread talking to someone, I guess the thought of talking about it frightens me for some reason. I need help dealing with the emotions right now and maybe tomorrow will help. I'll let you know how the session goes. Thanks, Violets
I think talking will help you more than you think. just like talkin here you will have the advantage of hearing yourself say things and have feedback. I guess I have been following your sitch because you remind me of the image of the wife of my wife's OM. Talk it out with someone, I can assure you that you can;t say anything that they havn't heard. not at all that your problem is generic, there are very common themes that come up. Either way be as comfortable as you can, and be honest with yourself. check out what I have been going through and the advice that has been given in "repost try again".
Good luck to you and Gods speed i remembered you in my prayers just this morning.
Thanks to everyone here and thanks for the prayers, I need them. I was scared when I went this morning but was pleased that this counselor had been to the DB seminar and recommended the 2 books to me. I feel better and more hopeful since I talked to her and have another appt. for next Fri. When I first found out "for sure" about the A. I tried to remain calm and begged him to not leave but after I could see that my talking was doing no good I grabbed my keys and left the house after telling him that I would be back when he was packed and gone. The next morning he had changed his tune completely and was begging to stay. I still made him leave because by that point I was so mad and upset I couldn't stand to look at him. He is in counseling with a different C. I have not read either of the books and up to this point I don't think I could have concentrated enough to read them anyway. I am going to go to the bookstore tomorrow. I think this is the best day I have had since the night I found out. Thanks again for the prayers and support it really does help.
It pleases me much to hear that you are doing better. When we are faced with something new, there is always some fear. But you went and look at you. Your attitude is better already. And great that you have another appointment.
Get the books, read them, and pay attention to the message which is to control what you can and not to worry about the things you can't. Be the best you can be and no matter what happens, you will be ok.
