The backslide is not bad , I would put that down as a normal human interaction and we need to remember not to be afraid to speak our minds and also to get things wrong.
This is CVA here! I also have a WAW who is a stay at home mom.
Lately I have been thinking and wondering why women with the greatest jobs in the world, as hard as it is, do not feel fulfilled? Is that your Ws problem?
My W recently confided in a friend saying she has all these interests outside our family / R and has been basically prevented from pursuing them by me? Huh? We have 4 kids, and at the time she is whining about not being "allowed" to pursue her intrests, our kids were very young, 2,4,6 and 8 and me working all day. So time to do things was just not there. Anyone ever hear of putting in your time and patience?
Now that they are all going to go to school all day, it's like a flower opening. OK, now there is time, great, go do it I say. However, we as men seem to not understand, as we slave away and provide a high standard of living, that what we are doing is not valued as highly as their quasi independence.
Does any of that make sense or apply?
A few positives to point out for you: When I went thru this before and was at home, it seemed to be easier in terms of daily interactions. I hear everyone on the "give her space" thing, I just think you being at home is a real plus.
Your so called backslide on your recent post was nothing, dont sweat it. I wouldnt even consider it a backslide. If your W is anything like mine, having a bad tone with you can mean all sorts of things you do not understand at the time.
Anyhow, this was more of an intro so I could try and get to know others here, more than just my futile effort to keep up with the god of all DBing, Nomo.
Have a good 4th with the kids CVA
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
OTB, Thanks for the support and I love the Clark/Lois analogy. Have to think about that some more.
MoPo, Picking up violin again was one of my goals. Also to get S8 one for his bday in May and start teaching him (he begged to get one for 1.5 years!). The second part is rocky right now, but he is making progress. I haven't played for 25 years, so it is going slower than I would like, but I remember more than I would have thought.
RE: Bday, I will definitely invite you to whatever happens, I am still trying to figure out exactly what to do! Also, I may stay in TX through the weekend of the Orlando DB event and do it then, so you may actually be here!! :{
Dave, Thanks, I know it is not a huge backslide, but I gotta work on me and I really hate to do stupid stuff as it just gives her more "bad memories".
I'm getting there on the fitness, but it is so easy to let it slip. This is mostly for me, but it is also nice to have others notice, esp. the fairer sex .
CVA, I do think you are on the right track. I actually completely regret encouraging my W to be a SAHM. She was unhappy with her previous career (teaching). I should have encouraged her to go in a different direction (really any one) and to get out of the house. I think that her OC, perfectionist, controlling self needs something more mentally challenging than raising kids to do. I am convinced that if she had been working that she would not have been so needy for me to provide all of the excitement in her life.
I do agree that it is a huge positive that she is still here, even if it is primarily motivated by the kids and financial considerations. I think the longer I go without pursuing, the better chance I have that she will start to look at me with new eyes. I am also going to start going out more with people who she does not know, if only to add to the mystery!
Thanks again to all for the support.
SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
Hi CVA, All is quiet on the Eastern Front. The "Do Nothing" strategy is at least easy to implement!! I rarely talk to W during the days and even in the mornings we rarely have much time together. Just giving her space and time and not pushing anything.
I'll check your thread later. SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
SD, Haven't checked in for awhile. The training seems to be going fairly well, great job. The mile swim is impressive, I am finally getting back to getting that much in, man am I sore today after pushing a bit to hard yesterday. Do nothing approach, huh. I think giving the time and space is the best option for you right now. I know that living together gets a bit confusing at times and there are lines that we try not to cross, but even in the best of times there are minor disagreements, I wouldn't look to far into the interaction. I am sure your W is seeing a happy, confident H, hopefully becoming a magnet to her as well as the other ladies who have taken to noticing you.
Cliffy, Thanks for the encouragement. I really need to work on being a bit more mysterious, going places at night with undisclosed people, etc. Right now, I am maybe a bit too detached as I don't really even care about making this effort.
Most of my GAL activities are very unmysterious (working out at 5 am, going to neighbor's to watch Copa America, playing violin, taking the kids canoeing, etc.). But this is just me and what I enjoy. Esp. with the early morning workouts, it is tough to get excited about going out on the town!
Well, maybe this next week I will get a bit more motivated!
SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
How about a personal goal of sampling all the fine draft beer in your town, while also visiting all the cool pubs? Say, one or two nights a week of research.
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.