My actions are about me. My self-respect. I have not contradicted myself.
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and why would he have changed before, if (giving him the benefit of the doubt), he didn't really know how much this behavior upset you?
I have no idea. Up until this past weekend, I could stomach the behavior he had displayed so far. I wasn't real thrilled about it, but I could live with it. What he pulled this weekend, I cannot. Since I can't handle it, then it's up to me to solve my problem. I did.
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why should he change now? if he does, how would you know? you're not golfing with him anymore...you won't see it.
I don't know why he should or should not change. His behavior and his actions aren't up to me. They are up to him. And really... regardless of my actions... why SHOULD he change? Why should he have to? Ever? If he wants to act like that... I don't care. I just have no desire to be around when he does.
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So you think that if you say "IWNLIASM," that walking out the door or divorcing her is you only option of action?
That's what you and others appear to be saying.
It is one possible outcome. It's probably best to be able to accept all possible outcomes, because once you do, you have regained control of your own life. If you are unwilling to divorce, period, there are other things you can do. For example, you can move to the other side of the globe and drop all marital responsibilities, and not get a divorce.
The thing you and others, and even where I get hung up on boundaries... is doing the whole prediction of another's actions thing. All you can do is control YOU. In my golf example, all I am doing is controlling me and my actions. I have respected myself and solved my problem. If he now has a problem based on my decision and actions... then it is going to be up to him to solve it. That's all the further I am willing to go on this issue, right now, because anything else is pure conjecture on my part.
I will deal as it unfolds, IF it unfolds. Period. If not, the issue is resolved, and I am free to love him exactly as he is.
