That sounds to me like someone who fundamentally believes that other people don't want to give him what he wants, of course not. Since the thing that the person in question wants requires the other person to partake equally, and that other person being LD, by definition, doesn't like it/want it as much...they don't want to give him what he wants.
that they don't care about what he wants or they think he doesn't deserve to get what he wants, "not attractive". and that they can only be motivated to give him what he wants through bribes or threats. If that's the case, of course, a threat has to be credible or it won't work, and if following through on the threat is worse than doing without what he wants and he can't bluff properly, then the other person doesn't have a reason in the world to give him what he wants and he's stuck doing without. exactly.
In a marriage that's not about to blow up, this isn't the case. The people want to meet each other's needs, but can't at the moment for some reason. Occasionally a good dose of fear helps them get over what was in their way and they see things more clearly and meet the other's needs better. It may look like the "giving in to a threat" above, but it's not the same thing... the person on the receiving end is doing what she wished she could do all along, and is grateful for being "pushed" into it, rather than feeling like one who has "given in". See Cadesmom34's threads for a more detailed illustration. well...more tenuous, here. while it may not be "giving in" to a threat, it was certainly a response to one. and it took a "bomb" to get anything to change.
Sometimes you can become more attractive in some ways, by gaining confidence, achieving goals, eliminating unattractive habits, and so forth, and help spark the desire in her that she wishes she felt and make it a lot easier for her to meet your need that she wanted, but felt unable to, meet all along. This is the storybook part. because for some people, their most unattractive attributes are also those over which they have the least control. rock--"that person"--hard place.
It all depends on what's holding the other person back from meeting your needs. Whatever it is, your spouse may need your help to get past it. If she can't get past it, she feels remorse, and she feels disappointment and fear, or, annoyance and anger because you won't just give up already, and let it go. ...and if you just let it go without even mentioning it, she feels relief that you can do without it after all and she hasn't failed you, and isn't about to bring it up herself and remind you what you're missing. nope. that would just be askin' for trouble.
