Well, had a little (understatement) backslide last night. Yesterday was just too much for me. It was the day I asked her to marry me 5 years ago. It has always been my favorite holiday. Well, long story short, I drank yesterday. First time in a long time. Went to the 4th of July parade in hometown, hung out with some old buddies and I started to drink. I was in such a terrible mood that I kept on drinking. Well, my cellphone died and I did not call her to tell her I would not be coming home. She is reeeeeeeeealy upset with me. She does not know that I drank, but has really let it be known that I screwed up last night. And I admit it. I should have called her to tell her I would not be coming home. But what I did last night is not dissimilar to things that she has done to me. And I did not do it to be spiteful or to get back at her, but honestly, I don't know what to do. She has basically told me that she doesn't want to talk to me all day today. She is working an overnight double tonight so I will not see her until 1:00 am saturday morning. I don't know what to do here.
My work performance has suffered dramatically since this all started. I just figured out that I have to say something to the partners. I just can't seem to concentrate on anything else while the rest of my life is falling apart. I use all of my energy to pretend that everything is okay when I am with her and am around family and friends, so I barely have anything left to do anything else.
I am completely at a loss here for what to do next. How do I approach her again? What do I do? I feel terribly about not calling her, that is exactly what I ask her not to do, when she goes out. If my phone did not die, I would have called her. I made a mistake last night. I just want to get past it. Having the most difficult time with her right now. She is in the shower, she went to get a haricut today back in Mass. I just miss her so much. I can tell she was crying when she got back home. I just want to help her, as I can see she is struggling.
