We had a great Fourth...went to a matinee, had a BBQ with H's family and then went in to enjoy the local fireworks show. It was a perfect warm summer night, and made me think...
Tomorrow is the anniversary of our nuclear bomb. I keep having flashbacks of last year's Fourth of July...longing for H to sit next to me, tease me, hold me, love me. We were driving home with the kids from watching the fireworks show...the first time in at least a year we had all been together in one car...and wanting nothing more than for him to hold my hand. I remember saying something about him 'being here, but not really here', and feeling overwhelmed by his complete ambivalence towards me. Two days later I walked into the hotel room he was sharing with OW in the middle of the night, 1000 miles from our home.
It's been a momentous year to say the least. I'm grateful beyond words that last night was exactly what I wished for last year. That we're on the same team again, that the anguish is gone and the healing is in process. I'm a different person today. I like and trust myself so much more now.
