Stop beating yourself up. It is not that big of a deal. It was 6:00am.
You're right, I know. It's just that I rarely have contact with W (basically only when she calls or when she picks up/drops off the kids about once a week), so I want those interactions to go as well as possible. It's not that it went bad, it was just neutral and I expect more from myself right now (this is crunch time for me!). I want to be as prepared as possible to deal with whatever comes my way, whether it is her giving alien spew (which doesn't seem to happen anymore), confiding in me, talking about everyday things, etc. I need to be on my toes, and until the changes I've made and continue to make become second nature to me (esp when talking to W), I really have to think before I talk, act, etc. I don't criticize her, get angry with her, guilt trip her, etc, anymore, but what I'm still trying to work on is really trying to listen to what she says and just validate & empathize. I'm also trying to find moments where I can slip in a subtle compliment, joke, or statement of appreciation without it seeming forced or pursuant. I think I've backed off enough and for long enough now that things are getting comfortable enough for these efforts to begin happening (wow, that's a lot of enoughs!). Every moment of every interaction counts, and I just want to make the most of them.
Quote: I think the fact that she seemed concerned and/or a little embarrassed about me seeing her face also says that my opinion about her looks matters to her, though I might be over-emphasizing this thought as a positive.
Quote:
That is a positive sign.
The more I think about it, the more I feel like I'm really reaching for positives that aren't there. I mean, maybe it's a positive that she's comfortable enough with me to comment on it, but I shouldn't be viewing it as something that hints to her peaking over the castle wall.
Time will only tell, and I'm willing to continue working on it all post-D too. I think she will need to see my changes stick for quite some time before she's willing to invest in me. I believe she needs to see me doing what I'm doing now after the D so she can be sure I'm not just changing to stop the D and win her back. And even then, we may only be able to be friends (but hey, that's better than enemies I guess!).
Started 5LL last night and am hoping to finish by tomorrow sometime. We'll see if it will be beneficial to address her PLL once I discover what it is...I will be hoping to get some of your opinions on this when the time comes.
