Well that distracted me for a little bit. We have all kinds of neighbors around us setting of fireworks. Very pretty. My S3 decided he'd had enough and wanted to come back in. Got them tucked in bed and now the loneliness really hits....
W: 33 H: 37 SS: 14 S: 7 S: 3 married 08/09/97 Seperated 11/02 05/07 H moved back 8/26/07
Why does he keep leaving? I would suggest that you read "Love & Respect". This is a great need that talks about what guys expect in a marriage. My W loved the book, we read it together. She learned a lot when we reconciled.
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Who's to say this time he really does mean it. I mean how many times can a person do this and not follow thru?
We are creatures of habits. If he did this 4 times before, he is coming back. He may want freedom, but once he gets it, he is afraid and will come running back. Let him go and you'll get him back.
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He has a lot of baggage from childhood and his first marriage that I think contribute to his leaving so much.
Can you elaborate?
OneWish's Story
"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."
Well each time he's left it's been according to him a different reason. 1) he didn't think me and his son was getting along well enough (unrealistic expections of what our realstionship would be) That was for about 2 days. 2) was for a week and he just didn't think we were getting along 3) was for 2 weeks he didn't know if he loved me 4) was for 2 months. He loved me but he wasn't in love with me and again mine and my stepsons relationship. Though me and someone else made the statement to him that was just an excuse and since 2 people said this it made him stop and think. 5) this time he feels like he doesn't have a partner in life and that I don't care about him. Now I am partially to blame because I wasn't meeting all his needs and now I'm working on bettering myself. I have apologized but when I did his attitude was too little too late.
Yeah I know that's why people keep telling me just give him time he'll be back. Just hard for me to sit here and believe that cause I'm on the brutal end of this.
Well when he was growing up his parents let his older brother beat him up and did nothing but say so hit him back. And I'm not talking about just playing normal brother stuff. His dad was never around so it was pretty much his mom that raised him and she's kinda crazy. She favored his older brother and to this day my H will tell you his parents don't love him. About 3 years ago he stopped talking to them completely because they have 6 grandkids but appear to only care about one (being my stepson) they have never liked any girls their sons would bring home and once they actually married they really didn't like us.
He and his first wife knew each other for 6 weeks then got married. She then got pregnant a few months later. They were married about 5 years and 4 out of 5 years was bad. She ended up having an affair and telling him she didn't want to be a wife and a mother and kicked him and their son out.
I think he has a lot of emotional scars from all of this. Sometimes I wonder if he's not trying to destroy our marriage before I do. Not that I have any intention of doing so but for him at least he'd be ending it on his terms... I could be way off though.
W: 33 H: 37 SS: 14 S: 7 S: 3 married 08/09/97 Seperated 11/02 05/07 H moved back 8/26/07
Well my H emailed my earlier today to ask if the kids had a good 4th. About 2 hours later (normally I'd respond right away) I simply said yeah they had fun. He then said "it was weird not having a cook out or a day in the pool or fireworks".... Though I feel like saying this was your choice I won't. I'll continue to be nice but aloof. Gotta say it was "weird" on this end too not having him around.
W: 33 H: 37 SS: 14 S: 7 S: 3 married 08/09/97 Seperated 11/02 05/07 H moved back 8/26/07
Yeah I think he is especially after the last couple days. Then he'll throw a semi negative remark out and I get frustrated. And I know I'm not supposed to believe what he says just sometimes hard to hear.
And I mean he does keep emailing me even though he says it's weird but he's used to it but it's....
I just thought I liked rollercoasters.
W: 33 H: 37 SS: 14 S: 7 S: 3 married 08/09/97 Seperated 11/02 05/07 H moved back 8/26/07
He told me how yesterday was weird because he's used to having a cook out, staying in the pool, and having fireworks. Then throws out comments like his whole life is weird now and he doesn't have roots so he'll either have make new ones or whither like a weed. And how he hopes he can build some stability. And my favorite for the day is how he just doesn't understand me.....
Is he looking for a reaction out of me? Or is he trying to gently tell me how he's hoping to move on with his life?
W: 33 H: 37 SS: 14 S: 7 S: 3 married 08/09/97 Seperated 11/02 05/07 H moved back 8/26/07
My H emailed and IM'ed me all day. At one point we were even joking around. It's his weekend to have the kids so he came by a couple hours ago. He wouldn't look at me and he barely talked to me. He couldn't wait to get the kids and leave. What is that all about???? He can be nice in emails but not to my face. Just can't figure out why.
W: 33 H: 37 SS: 14 S: 7 S: 3 married 08/09/97 Seperated 11/02 05/07 H moved back 8/26/07
I stopped chasing a couple weeks ago. He's the one that contacting me. I'm not talking R with him either. If he even hedges around it then I attempt to talk about something else.
Well I have an entire weekend to devote to myself... Well besides the time I have to work around the house.
W: 33 H: 37 SS: 14 S: 7 S: 3 married 08/09/97 Seperated 11/02 05/07 H moved back 8/26/07
