The Father's Day one especially. Isn't that funny how different people see it differently? I know that is how I usually feel in pics, like I want to hug my H but I am not sure how he would feel about it. Separation is such limbo.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
Updated tonight. Well, it is confirmed that my H has been having an affair. That is what I will call it since we are married. I do not care if we are separated. We are married, darn it! It is exactly the way I heard and he had to admit it. Jeez, I hate being right on this one. I was calm and told him I wanted him to be happy. I said I did not know the rules of separation but that we should wait until the divorce for dating. That the kids should not meet anyone he is dating for a least a year. I would not allow my children to be around anyone under the influence of drugs or liquor. (Mom says they are both on drugs-unconfirmed)
He replied it is just dating, he did not cheat while we were living together, it is not serious, he is not happy.
Whatever. He is a liar and a fool.
I said since we were being honest what was up with the weight los and the new vegetarianism. He wants to be fit and she is a vegetarian was his reply. She is only 23 and weighs 100 lbs (according to my mother). He is sick in the head.
The worst part, can it get worse, is that he yelled at me for telling our D6. I never did but she overhead my mom describing her OW. My D6 was hiding behind the couch instead of playing outside. I begged my mom to spare me the details as I was DBing and did not want to listen to gossip. He actualy accused me of talking bad about him.
I said, "If you think it is inappropriate for your own daughter to hear then it is innappropriate for you to do in the first place." Was that bitchy? I thought I handled myself pretty well considering the love of my life and father of my children just admitted to being a walking cliche piece of shite.
Last edited by mkultra; 07/30/0707:02 AM.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
oh I am so sorry, mkultra. ouch. no words of wisdom, just understanding. and so sad that your daughter found out. yeah, honestly, your response to him was bitchy (after all, there is plenty stuff that is appropriate for adults to do, but not for kids to hear about). but I understand it. I understand the anger and the pain.
as for the rules of separation, they are whatever you set down together, based on the goals of separation. what I found out, unfortunately, was that it didn't matter what rules/bounderies we set down, H still broke them.
Keep Db'g yourself. worse comes to worse, you'll be stronger for it on your own. that's what I keep telling myself, anyway.
(((HUGS)))
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
I think I must keep DBing because it keeps me sane. The only thing is that you are constantly on. You can never let your guard done. Even after he told me he was seeing someone, I still cried a little and said I loved him. Not in a pleading way but in an argumentative way because he keeps using that as an excuse to be a cheater. "You don't even love me anymore!" I reply, "Of course I love you. You are my first kiss, my best friend, and I thought you wold be my last kiss when I grew old!" I think that is OK, not DBing but the moment took over. He cried at that part. Good. Expletive insert.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
H and I got into three battles today. DBing is not going well. GALing going great! Can you tell I do not know how to "Pick my battles"?
1st Battle: Carseats-He acts so irresponsible and dim about this. We had a tragedy in the Bay Area regarding a child left for dead still strapped in his carseat because of a sleep deprived father who changed one thing in his schedule to throw him off. That could have been anyone but my H has forgotten to pick up the kids twice! And he always forgets their carseats cuz he does not want to drive around in a Daddy Mobile!
2nd Battle: Disneyland. As single mom to be I dreaded the fact that I was scared to travel alone or be a third wheel to an intact family now that we are "fatherless". So, my mom and brother have decided to take an extended trip altogether! Wonderful! Not to H! He acted completely pissy? Why? He chose to kill the marriage with a toxic attiude and affair. I know it takes two to tango but I have been working my a*# off while tap dancing on eggshells around an elephant in the room. How's that for cliche?
3rd Battle: The house. Ya tell me that you have been lying about an affair. Yell at me because D6 knows about the OW from overhearing Grandma and Auntie talking about it. No apology or remorse and expect me to welcome you into my house for a playdate with the kids because you are homeless and have been kicked out your aunt's because you are a cheating liar? I was livid and stopped dancing on eggshells and let him have it! Big mistake really. I apoligized. Me. Because my mom told me too. See why below.
My mom heard and told me to be cool and let him see the kids whenever he wants because soon he will not even be able to see them as he works nights anyways. They will come back to me, the peacekeeper. She said judges like peacekeepers. Think King Soloman. She said to let him have all the access he wants to the house with some boundaries because it will soon be in my name as promised ( my mom bought it for us when we had our fist baby) -God willing because we live in California! Funniest advise-She said to be his friend-She said I will probably be his only friend because all the other people in his life are either associated with me or the job she will fire him from soon or people who cannot stand him anymore. She said to wait until the divorce papers are final to spit in his face. I laughed cuz I would never do that! She is so hardcore gangster it is scary. I am sorry if this offends anyone. I am trymg not to be anything like my mom. I feel like the opposite most times. Like a softie with a heart the size of Manhatten.
Last edited by mkultra; 08/02/0708:18 AM.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
Let me see if I have this straight, 1st battle-he was upset because you brought up the dangers of leaving a kid in a car?
Why would he get upset or argue about something like that, every time it has ever been on the news my wife and I have talked about it as a reminder that we are the parents, duh.
2nd battle-he is mad your going to Disneyland and your mom and brother are going with you?
Didn't he leave you and your family, what does he have to complain about? That you are taking the kids for some probably deserved fun? He needs to grow up ! ! !
3rd battle-Don't know, got lost on that one.
Agree with mom, if you do get divorced, wait till then to be mean.
M 41 W 33 S8 S17 Bomb 3/11/07 S 3/28/07 New beginning? 8/31/07
Battle 3 Involves me just finding out about his OW and his homelessness. He comes and goes as he pleases but he left and he cheated. I don't want to see him now. He has no where to go but why should I let the snake back into my house? He has NO remorse at all.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
MK, its so frustrating. the first thing is scary as hell, and wtf is wrong with him???? that would be a huge problem for me.
number 2, go, have fun! he's bummed because he's going to miss out on the fun...he doesn't remember that hey, you guys have fun, and hey, you aren't going to sit and wallow thru his MLC. I get sooo frustrated by the same things...I am doing EVERYTHING here to save this marriage, if its at all possible. he's doing everything to destroy it. so where does he get off being miserable about anything???
number 3, I think your mom is right. and especially when it comes to the kids, you have to be the bigger person. but feel free to vent here
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
He actually gets seems resentful. He has chosen to be miserable. This separation, divorce, affair has brought him no sense of happiness. I want to be happy. I will be happy no matter what happens, with or without him. I get sad and I feel lonely, but I know who I am and what I want. I have goals.
He told me to move on. So why is he resentful of my happiness? Why does he punish our children when he claims to love them so much?
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
Journaling- Disneyland was awesome as I posted elsewhere. The weird thing is that my H finally came out about our marital problems to his real best friends just yesterday. He kept his troops in the dark until the last moment. I have no idea how explicit he was but I am sure he painted a pretty rosy picture of the sitch. He mentioned that he was living at his aunt's home. Best Freind asked how that was going. he replied ,"Fine." Other best friend mentioned how his parents divorced and remarried and were better off that way. End of discussion.
Wow, not even a slap on the wrist for putting his wife and kids and parents and in laws through hell. Am I exaggerating here? My Dad even sobbed when he found out as did my elderly neighbour who we dog sit for every winter! His best friends say nothing! Is that a dude thing? They are also fathers! How can they not tell him to snap out of it. Go back home. Save your marriage. Are you crazy for leaving your awesome wife for a vagabond street child?
Calming down. I read in some Christian marriage book that men need to be surrounded by other moral men. My H and I are not Christian but the message rangtrue to my ears. I love my H's friends and I wish they would have stood up for me. My H did not, his parents barely did. The only ones to do so were my H's female coworkers who would chase off his young OW if she stepped foot in his work! These female strangers who I do not even know by name had more moral conviction than men who I have know for 15 years! Heating up again!
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
