Don't worry about it. Juts go and talk and if you get tongue tied, it doesn't matter. We go to counselors to sort things out. Go with the flow. He'll ask you questions. Just answer. My experience is that Cs are pretty good at their jobs. You don't want to be rehearsed.
Oh yes, I do know that counselors etc.., are use to this kind of thing. I guess (?) my concern is that I don't come across as the "frantic wife" .. y'a know?
Are psychiatrists as good as "listening" as the psychologists/counselors? I thought that psychiatrists were more into just the prescribing of medications and that they would send you to a colleague if you need/want counseling ..?
Thanks much for your support! Hope all is going well for you, IMP. Have a wonderful weekend!
Hi there. Psychiatrists are generally more for prescribing meds. But on the flip side they have more training in physiological underpinning of behaviors. And if you come off like a frantic wife, that's not a problem. Just go with an open mind and see. And if need be, ask him the same questions you had above.
And thank you. You have a great weekend too. Don't think too much.
H's doc doesn't agree with my theory of the medications being the cause of his "extreme" problems with alcohol and wreckless spending. He believes that his only problem is the alcohol. He told me that unless .. or until(?) H decides to go (for even just a month) without alcohol, he couldn't .. in good conscience, try a change in his prescription regimen.
I asked him if he didn't think that it was just too much of a coincidence that all of this came about shortly after he began on his new prescriptions three years ago? H's doc said no.
So .. I am feeling pretty confused/hopeless right now!
Apparently H's pyschiatrist gave him samples of Campral (sp?) quite some time ago. H's doc thought it might have been a year or so ago. The Campral is supposed to help with alcohol cravings. Well, my H never let me in on this .. more than likely 'cause he did want to stop the alcohol? H's doc maintains that if H could even just try to get off the alcohol for even just a month, he could determine if he needs a med change.
I left this appointment yesterday telling H's doc that I guess I was just going to "show up" tomorrow morning to H's appt. with him. I am pretty nervous about this .. 'cause I think I can almost predict how my H will respond. He will be angry that I'm making it my business, he will feel like I am betraying him, he will be mad that I felt it was my business to fill in his doc about all of what is going on .. and on and on.
H's doctor said that he could offer the Campral samples to H again. We both thought that there would be a good (better?) probability that H would feel that he would have to at leat try it, since I'll be at the appointment and will know all about this.
Does ANYONE have any words of wisdom/suggestions as to what I can say, how I can come across talking to H at his doc appt. .. so that he won't be feeling so attacked. I just know he is going to "spew out" something to the affect that if I hate him so much, why don't I just divorce him. All I am truly trying to do is get my husband back .. and it is BECAUSE I love him that I am working so hard at this ... SIGH.
Okay .. I got a "reprieve" .. of sorts. (I guess?)
Late last night my H was having just terrible neck pain, whereby he could not sleep, sit up or anything. He took a darvocet at about 11 p.m. Mixed with his sleeping pills .. well, it really knocked him for a loop.
I was "ready and waiting" at his doc's office .. waiting for our "show down" when he called me to tell me that he could not even drive. He was on the road, but said that he could hardly stay on the road.
So .. guess what??? I was sitting right there .. outside of the drs. office and I had to call and cancel his appointment!!
This was an 8 am appointment and apparently the dr. is in (cause he makes appts for those times??) but the secretaries are not in until 8:30. I am very "anxious" to get that next appointment made for as soon as possible.
The "thinking about this anxiety" is about putting me over the edge. So .. hopefully we'll (er .. ummm) H will be able to reschedule relatively soon.
Since I posted last .. well, it seems like I've been through the mill, AND then some! It's been battle after battle for the past week or so. My husband is even proclaiming that he is tired of our arguments/very long unhappy discussions! (I'm sure that will not deter him on the next one, though. He is very persistent and needing the $$ that he does to go and drink ..is THE primary cause of all of our arguments.)
My H's appointment was rescheduled to that following Friday. (A couple of days after the cancellation.) Thank goodness, because I was becoming quite the wreck worrying about it. H responded just as I predicted he would. When I walked through the door of his psychiatrists waiting room, he saw me and just said "no!". He said there is no way that I was going to go in with him. That all I was going to do was cause trouble. In rehashing all of his rantings in that waiting room, I think he was most afraid that I would mention his suicide threats to his doc. Well, I did not bring it up to his doc at this appointment, but H's doc does know from my previous appointment with him. H's psychiatrist agreed with me that these threats are used as total manipulation .. trying to get me to do what he wants. His pyschiatrist was smart enough not to bring these "threats" up either.
Obviously (from paragraph above) I did make it into H's doc's office. H's doc finally walked out into the waiting room to get Ken, and Ken totally backed down and told me to come also. (???)
After the appointment, H even thanked me .. "for not causing trouble." (???) The only thing that happened (that would be considered different?) at H's appointment is that his psychiatrist told him that he would give him the Campral samples again. H made a promise that he would severely cut back on his drinking. He said that he would try to drink only on the weekends. (That would be equal to three nights.) He (we?) are supposed to return in a month to see how he is doing.
On my way home from this appointment (this was last Friday) I called H .. as I was feeling a bit stronger than usual. Well, H did not answer, so I left a voice mail. I "mentioned" to him that the check book account was at a point (right now) that I did not have money for "his" weekend. (That would mean his large amounts of drinking $$) This is where even more troubles began.
H was fine for Friday and Saturday night, from what I discovered, because he sold some copper wire, etc. (H is an electrician .. well, WHEN/IF he works ..) I found a check stub in his shop for $145 and I am guessing that is why his needing more $$ did not become an issue for him until Sunday night. Sunday night he was ready to head out the door to go to a biker function at a local bar and he said to me (as he has so many times before in the past three years) to "just give him a check."
I "reminded" him that I couldn't give him a check, but that I did have $20 cash in my purse. He totally flipped out. He told me that $20 was not enough and (again) that he could not live like this. He actually gathered up a bunch of pills and took them in front of me. He was totally in disbelief when that did not produce the response from me that he thought it would. (I did ascertain that what he took was mostly antibiotic pills and a few Ambien.) H drove off in his truck for a couple minutes, but returned. We ended up talking for about two hours .. of course just going round and round.
I told H all he had to do was go back to work. (Or get something temporary .. until his electrical business picks up.) I made suggestions of different work that I thought he could do. Remember, he (we) have not received any kind of "draw" from his company in over three years. My H was (it's gone now) using our refinance monies for his living and to pay our mortgage. I know that this is VERY bad financial planning, but in the process of getting these refi loans, H would always lament that he would be able to bring in money and we would not have to use it (as we did). He said that those monies would just be there for back-up, in case he did not bring in the full amount we would need for the mortgage payment. As always, I believed him. Of course, that's NOT how it worked. As mentioned above, H used it as his drinking/entertainment monies. (Of course, that's where our monthly mortgage payments came out of. UGH!)
Anyway .. back to the work I was suggesting. I told him that he needed to do "anything" to help us get financially stable once again. He said that if he did something "temporary" that it would totally "shut down" his side of his electrical business. I said to him that I (we) hadn't seen any $$ from his business in three years .. why would he worry about that now? He said that his business does support him in other ways (paying truck insurance, cell phone, gas, etc.) I have no idea what other "stuff" his business pays for him, but he apparently thinks that its enough for him not to try to get something to "hold him through" .. until his business picks up again ..? This has been a totally vicious circle! This is what all of our recent arguments stem around.
H, even in his own admittance, cannot stop drinking. (He told his pdoc that.) I call that an alcoholic. I have received numerous emails from people on other boards that truly think that my H's problem stems from the prescriptions his pdoc put him on three years ago. (coincides with H's drinking problems/and deciding he can't work.) These are people that have gone through the exact same thing!
I don't know if I should push my H hard to change psychiatrists or not. Do we wait out this month and I try to persuade his pdoc (at the end of this month) to try a change in medications? I don't know.
I am finding it very hard to "hang on". I'm not sure how much longer I am going to last in this mess. As my thread title says .. this truly IS killing me softly ..
