Getting started

[waw1978]

Urghhh...rotten rotten couple of days. DH is pushing & manipulating me. I told him we would continue to spend "family time" D4 so he uses this and begins to create additional situations under that guise. I politely declined his offer to watch fireworks with him and D4 on July 3rd as we already had planned and entire "family day" for the 4th. He made me feel guilty and like a bad parent because I didn't want to spend the evening with "them" re: him. It occurred to me that all extra time I had spent at the house because fo the dance recitals etc that DH was mistaking that for progress. I told him as much and it turns out, that yes, in his mind civil family time means that things are "back to normal or somehow better". I clarified for the record that time was about D4, not him and not us. So he took D4 himself and they had a good time.

I came home yesterday ready to spend the day with D4. He is still reluctant to let me take her anywhere on my own, which I find wrong and super insulting. I am her mother last time I checked. We also got into a big blowout because of my wedding rings. I slammed my finger in a door (he was present) and had to take then off because the finger swelled up like a blimp. Its all black and blue so I haven't bothered putting the rings back on. This happened on Sunday. I did not sleep at the house Sunday and left the rings there. So he asks Monday night about my finger, I tell him its still swollen etc etc. Then Tues he comes right out and asks why the ring isn't on...this is where I refrain from asking if he is a moron cause my finger is still in pretty bad shape. Again yesterday morning theres another comment...now I sufficiently pissed off so I purposely do not put the rings back on because I find his behavior annoying, controlling and juevenile. So this leads to him asking AGAIN last night and leads into a nasty argument. I tell him that I could have put it back on but because he is on my case I am not doing it. So he tells me in his mind this means its over. Its not worth working on blah blah blah...now he tells me he is pulling away from me and I will be lucky if he is till there when I work through this...Oh and the kicker, I can't come and go as I please in my own house. I must stay at my mothers from now on. He takes the nights I am at the house to be with D4 to mean things are fine, getting better blah blah blah. Its only been two weeks, two MC sessions. He really thinks there is a quick fix and now that its become clear that there isn't he doesn't want to give anymore effort.

He didn't understand what I meant when I said we have to start over. Its just starting to sink in for him and he said he doesn't want to. So what now folks?

Do I just move out and move on? Thats what he said he wants, for me to move out so he can move on and get over the loss of his marriage.

I just don't see how its fair that I tell him all of this for years. He ignores it. Now because we went to 2 MC sessions and nothing has changed yet (the whole takes time thing seems to be lost on him) he doesn't want to work on it anymore...WTF? No offense but what incentive do I have>? I have already emotionally divorced him. For me its all but I over. The only hope I had was he was willing to try. Now I guess he is not.