Interesting news...part 3

[inmyplace]

GK,

To be honest, I never saw anything that would have made me think that. I see apathy.

IMP

[bambam1970]

Hey GK!

How are you doing? I've missed you on the board!

Update us!

[GK99]

Having one of those nights. I am torn between "standing" and just giving up. I honestly have no idea how to stand anymore. I want to...I think too many people give up on their marriages and regret it later. Far too many.

Throughout this whole thing I have always held onto hope. I had hope that W would realize that D was not the answer. I had hope that through understanding, compassion, and forgiveness she would find her way back home. But I realize now that I have been fooling myself. She is gone. She left in November. And she won't ever come back. I feel like such a fool for still wearing my wedding ring.

I am getting divorced. There is no stopping it. I have to learn to accept it. I will take my ring off tonight for the last time. I just hope this pain and sadness will eventually go away.

[inmyplace]

GK,

You said:

I am torn between "standing" and just giving up. I honestly have no idea how to stand anymore.

Standing is simple. All it means is that you see yourself as married and live accordingly.

Rejoice ministries sums it up in this link:
Rejoice Ministries - Standing
Why is that difficult for you?

Now, if you don't want to do that and you are divorced, that is ok too. But you have to do with your own feelings.

And should you decide not to stand, keep in mind the words of George Washington:

It is our true policy to steer clear of permanent alliances with any portion of the foreign world.

Steer clear for a while. Be a free man. I am now into the 7th year of divorced bliss. It is very freeing. (No. I am not saying you have to live like me.)

Allow yourself to be ok and you will be ok.

IMP

[bambam1970]

Oh GK, I'm sorry to hear your pain.

You can let go of your old marriage and that is good. That is over. BUT, you have a whole new future ahead of you and have the ability to make choices on what you want.

It may not be the end w/your W. Papers are nothing if we want to make honest changes. I agree w/IMP, stand back for a bit. Hard? Yes. But, that makes the victory even sweeter!

It is never to late if that is what YOU choose. You can decide to GAL which doesn't include another relationship. That is YOUR choice. It doesn't mean you are a fool. You are honorable for making choices based on what YOU feel and not what others THINK you should feel. You are a strong, kind and respectable man. Be down right now. BUT, pick yourself up and keep walking. We all know you will!

Love and hugs to you today! bambam

[GK99]

Thanks IMP and Bambam. I know you guys are right. I just need to focus on the positives in all of this. I know I will be a better person for having gone through this, no matter what the outcome.

I received this latest email from W:

Hi GK99,

Hope you are having a good time in Toronto.

I wanted to let you know that I am going to propose that I buy you out of the house effective Sept. 1. This would give you the summer to decide what you are going to do. In order for me to propose this I need to have an assessment done on the house. I have been to the bank to see how I could buy you out and I have set up an appointment for an assessment to be done on the house. I will be meeting the assessment rep. at the house on Monday July 9 at 9am. I will go into the house with the rep. and then I will leave.

Once I have the assessment back I will put together all the numbers and send you a proposal. You can then review the proposal and get back to me. I have seen a lawyer who will draft the necessary legal documents (separation agreement) once we have verbally come to an agreement on the house, assets, and liabilities. I am hoping we can come to an agreement on our own and then involve the lawyers. I recommend that you also find a lawyer as we will send the agreement to you and your lawyer to review and sign. If you need a lawyer you could contact the firm I used:

XXX-Family Law Lawyers

My lawyer is XXX

Thanks.
W

I am not comfortable with her being in the house or bringing an appraiser into the house while I'm not there. It also sounds like she is using a bank appraiser but banks don't appraise based on market value, they appraise based on risk to them (I used to work for a bank).

As always, I would love to hear any suggestions on how to reply to her.

[inmyplace]

GK,

All you can do is voice your concerns and come up with an alternatiove plan. I would say exactly what you just told us. When will you be back?

IMP

[GK99]

Do you want her to buy you out?

I guess it doesn't really matter to me - would save us having to actually sell the house so it would be more convenient.

[GK99]

GK,

All you can do is voice your concerns and come up with an alternatiove plan. I would say exactly what you just told us. When will you be back?

IMP

I am back on July 16th - so I would prefer to have a mutually agreed on appraiser come out that week instead.

[bambam1970]

Hi GK..

Well, I am an appraiser. I do appraisals for banks and attorneys in divorce proceedings. A good appraiser is always going to give an opinion of value based on market data, regardless of the intent of the appraisal. For me, it wouldn't matter if I was doing it for the bank or the attorney, my range would be the same.

I think you should consider hiring an appraiser on your own. Your attorneys can than negotiate based on both the appraisals. And, you have every right to be at the house, too. If that's what makes you comfortable, than do it.

I'm sorry you are going through this tonight. Hugs to you!