He's still with her, and I'm moving on...

[EmtnRllrCstr]

Husband,

Hopeless and Yoyo do not have to worry about dates, have you seen them in their smokin hot bikini's? They are going to be beating guys off of them with sticks.

Hopeless, going into the L consultation with a list of questions is smart..... Let me go find mine.... These are a few questions that I dug up from some website a while back....
1. Findout their strategy and what they feel the outcome will be.(remember that they cannot promise you anything.)
2. Findout about the cost....How much does it cost when they call you, how much does it cost for you to call them, how much does it cost to talk to their paralegal, etc....... The cost and charges range so make sure they are clear to you about the cost up front. They should explain it, but if you have any questions ask them...
3. Findout the process for D from their perspective. What are the steps to expect and how do you prepare yourself for each one of them.
4. Ask them if they anticipate you incurring any costs outside of their fees? This is most likely the case for me. I make much more then my W so I might end up paying all her fees. Messed up isn't it?
5. Ask them about negotiating with your H one on one and if they feel it is good or bad idea. To be honest, for your own sanity I would not communicate with your H anymore.
6. Find out if the actions that you have already have taken hurt you or not? How about your H, has he dug himself a bigger hole? Can you you do anything that might help yourself in this process.


If you search google you can comeup with a million questions to ask your L. You are a smart girl, I am not really worried that you will be unprepared.

Take Care,
Scott

[Hope_11]

Thanks Scott. I really appreciate you posting the questions. I have a couple of weeks to prepare, so I will try to pull it all together by then. Hopefully being a smart girl pays off in this divorce. Like you, I make more money than my H and even though he is the one that is committing adultery and taking no responsbility for his life, I'll probably lose out. Life's just not fair.

Well, I braved the world today. I went to a party with my niece. I had a good time. It was nice to go out and be able to hold my head high. There were a few awkward moments, but what can you expect when you are living in a soap opera. The one guy actually asked my niece in front of me. How is your Uncle xxxx (my H) doing? I heard he got a new job. My jaw about hit the floor. I thought the guy knew who I was, but people are so oblivious sometimes, they don't recognize me without my H. Needless to say, someone told him later who I was, and he said you could have told me that before I put my foot in my mouth. Another guy just asked me if I was still living at my house and what I was up to. There were quite a few people there that have been through divorces, so they completely understand. They invited me again to something on Saturday, so I am thinking that I will probably go. There will be a lot more people at this thing, but I think that I need to get out there. I didn't do anything wrong, no sense being a prisoner in my own life. It's all about GALing right?

[Dr LOve]

I didn't do anything wrong, no sense being a prisoner in my own life. It's all about GALing right?

Oh Hopeless,
Ya hit the nail on the head. WHY ARE WE THE ONES FEELING GUILTY?

I wish ya lived closer I think we could have a great time togeather. It's kind of funny; My W did not want to have a party this year. We had our mom’s over and I BBQ some oysters, steak and chicken. In my mind I was thinking I should sit down with our mom's and say “did you know your daughter was slept with XXXX." but I didn't. Anyway was I was getting to I also was thinking can't wait for Friday night so I can go out. I am getting hooked on GAL. I also picked my tattoo. It is a skull with cross bones and a star behind it. I am going tomorrow to find out the cost and when it can be done.
Sorry for babbling again but I does bug me that I did nothing wrong but I have to keep the secret.

Husband

[Yoyowife]

Husband,
I think you should get the superman symbol. I think all of you DBing parents are superheroes.

[Dr LOve]

Yoyo

Husband,
I think you should get the superman symbol. I think all of you DBing parents are superheroes.

I think you ment to say all US.

you and most of the others here are going through alot more than I have. I feel like my life sucks sometimes but then I think about ERC and Next and THeo and I feel a little lucky. it still sucks but I am lucky.

Husband

[Hope_11]

Husband,

I would have to say that I am one of the lucky ones on here too because I don't have kids that are caught in the middle of this. I am living in hell, but at least I don't have to explain to little kids why their dad up and left. I'm going to be ok. After we finalize our divorce, I'll be able to move on with my life and I won't have to have contact with my H anymore. At this point, I don't know where my H went because this crazy guy that I have been dealing with for 8 months surely isn't him, and I don't want anything to do with that guy.

[imLIN]

Just my two cents...when I was at that point of giving up and moving on I did...I don't think it has anything to do with dating, bar scenes, or another person in anyway...moving on is living your life for yourself...and GAL is along the same lines...no need to be partying yourself out, or trying to meet someone...

I have been fortunate enough to have my H come home...it was a long journey...but I have also changed the way I think and feel in our new R/M vs our old one...I don't live "for" him...I live "with" him...I do the things I enjoy even if he doesn't...I have my own life and I will always maintain that...my GAL didn't end when H came home...

So don't fret about what to do and where to go...do what YOU enjoy...moving on doesn't even necessarily mean giving up...although you feel that way right now...I know I did...

I also understand the questions of how do you ever respect a man who could leave his family and children...my H left and in the course of over 18 months MAYBE saw my son 5 times...rarely called...didn't send much support and for the last year he was away none!...but it is very hard to explain...I do have a renewed respect for him...he is different then he was, we both are...he is working on being a better person even if he doesn't realize it consciously...I can honestly say our marriage is growing into something deeper and better...not perfect...but we both have grown, learned, and survived...

So move on...GAL...but don't feel pressured to have to get involved with anyone...just find your own self and enjoy being you...

[789]

Sorry to pop in, just saw you Lin, wanted to say Hi.

[Dr LOve]

Hopeless,

Maybe I used the wrong word. I don't think anybody is "lucky"

Just because you don't have kids you have felt the same hollow empty hurt on your stomach that I felt when I found out. Yes without kids your road is different than mine but it still is not an easy one, just different.

It's again the half full half empty glass thing. Yes I do have to think of my son and the effect this will have on him. But....on the other hand I have my son for my best friend.
You don’t have kids to worry about but then who do you have? (Besides us). I hope I am hot making you feel bad it is just that all of us have pros and cons to our sitch. Yoyo was served paper you could look at it as well she is near the end of this journey and can move on. At one point I envy her. But then again I have not been served so there is still a chance for me but I am getting tired of the uncertainty. so see I guess it's the old saying if ya got lemons make lemonade. (It's been in the 100s here today could sure use some)

Husband

[Dr LOve]

imlin_

thanks It is nice to hear some new from someone that made it work. I have been here going on three months now and as you see most of the people I have come to know have been "Served". Thank you for renewing my hope

Husband