March 2006 my wife tells me she's considering leaving me, and not to happy with the marriage. She doesn't feel an emotional/spiritual connection with me. Three weeks later she tells me she's been having discussions with my best friend about their mutual attraction. She tells me he's not leaving his wife, but she wants to remain friends with him. I talk to him 3X about his, catch him in a few lies and realize they are having an emotional affair. I asked him to end all contact with my family for 6 months. He agrees, but goes on ahead calling my wife. It was an emotional affair. My wife refused to give up the friendship with him. I started DB, saw a therapist myself, surrounded my self with a group of men as an accountability team to make sure I don't to something stupid. I start GAL activities. There were some improvements. We were having fun, had regular date nights.
In March 2007, we were selling our apartment and buying a house. The seller backed out. My wife was deeply sad. We sat for lunch to talk about his, and in the conversation she revealed that she ended all contact with my ex-best friend. It has become a physical affair. They were lovers for 7 months. I was compassionate and sympathetic. She didn't apologize for the affair. Still doesn't think it's wrong. She told me she wanted to "be with him" but because he wouldn't leave his wife, she ended it. She wasn't re-commiting to our marriage. A numbness went over me.
After 3 weeks I told her I didn't want to buy at the moment, since our marriage was so shaky. I preferred to rent for a year and see what happens. I also asked her to get tested for STD. She blew a fuse. This "boundary" I drew got her mad. So...she said when we were going to sell our apartment, she wanted "space" to think and wanted us to rent seperate apartments. In essence, she was asking me to move out. I refused. I wasn't abandoning my kids so that my wife could figure out her MLC and grieve her affair. In addition, we can't afford 2 apartments at the moment.
So....we ended up renting our current house. Here we are. Something of a stalemate. She wants a trial separation, but I won't do it. Shes on a 2 week trip abroad. When we come back we need to regroup and re-address the marriage.
