IV neppah sgniht eseht od yhW

[789]

i don't want to go fricken nuts

[sadhearted]

I know how you feel about no contact. I know what they say about it being good but it feels like nothings being accomplished and maybe my H is going to assume I've given up and am moving on.

I'm quickly catching up to your mood.

[789]

I don't want anyone to catch up to my mood, I'm sorry.
Just venting big time right now. I know they say it is good, I know it is what she needs, I know all that. The one positive I do think about is on her own coming up and giving me a hug and saying she is going to miss me, and using the nickname she gave that she hardly has used the last couple years. I don't know why but I guess she would at least call, even if dumb question about the dog or cats, something. Just real frustrated right now.

[sadhearted]

Yeah I say I wouldn't wish this pain and rollercoaster ride on my worst enemy.

So maybe the silence is working a little. That at least sounds like she's thinking. Yeah it sucks when you're silent and they are too. Didn't hear from my H at all today after having contacted me from Sun-Tues. Even stopped by unexpectedly yesterday. So as much as I'm feeling down I also think he's doing his own thinking.

I took a lot of pics of the kids today. Going to print them out and give to him.

[789]

Yeah I say I wouldn't wish this pain and rollercoaster ride on my worst enemy.

So maybe the silence is working a little. That at least sounds like she's thinking.

I guess that is what I don't get. Not calling me or seeing me, I just don't understand how that works, I have a mental block on that one.

Yeah it sucks when you're silent and they are too.

Don't get me wrong, I want to call her like nothing else. But I know if I call after this long it will come out as needy or checking up on her, etc...

Didn't hear from my H at all today after having contacted me from Sun-Tues. Even stopped by unexpectedly yesterday. So as much as I'm feeling down I also think he's doing his own thinking.

What is first contact like when I finally see her, or talk to her. Do I act like it I just got off work and that is why we haven't seen each other. Or act like its been a long time. To many questions in my head with no answers.

I took a lot of pics of the kids today. Going to print them out and give to him.

He will appreciate that, I know I would.
I hope my wife takes some while they are away.

[789]

I am also afraid she is going to forget to call my oldest on friday, it is his 17th birthday. At the moment he hates her, he has been thru this twice already. That is another thing I am afraid of is that if we make it work he will hold the resentment towards her.

[sadhearted]

Yeah I'm not sure how no contact works either. Something about maybe they start missing you because they aren't hearing from you like before. I mean I've seen that when I back off at some point he'll contact me. I just don't get HOW that works.

Trust me I know. I want to send an email or if I see him online strike up an IM conversation. Last couple weeks I just kinda slap myself and say no.

When I see my H I am friendly and smiling. I normally wait to see if he's going to strike up a conversation if not then I leave him be. Not an easy task but... Maybe wait to see how she acts. If I know I'm going to see him I try to look a little better. Sorry I'm not more help. Kinda short on advice. Don't know if I have any since I'm in the same boat.

Yeah I know he will. I'm going to throw one in I took of me with the kids. (shame on me)

[789]

Well my SIL did call me on sunday, said she would try to feel her out to see what was going on. She is not going to ask, just see if she talks on her own. Not sure if that is a good idea she had but to late to do anything about it now. I am actually afraid of that phone call too. Damn I think I am getting wimpy.

[sadhearted]

Funny. My SIL (his brother's wife) will sometimes try to get a conversation going just to see if he'll open up. I don't expect him too. He knows I talk to her... I don't know who he's talking to but it's definitely nobody in the family.

All part of the rollercoaster ride. We make the smallest things into big deals. And most of the time I've found out I make too much out of things. Still doesn't stop me from doing it the next time something comes up. I've actually had a couple anxiety attacks over this. Never had one before and until I was telling my mom about how I was acting the first time I didn't even know I was having one.

Well I'm off to try to get some sleep. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

[789]

Good Night.