In need of help

[789]

20 minutes? Did they forget about you or just hoping you'd go away.

I didn't get the whole story for months. I am 9 years older than her, at the time she was just 21, and I almost 30, you could tell the age gap. Well I went over and knocked on her door, her mom answered and said she would get her. Well that is all I knew, called her later and we met but I did not say what had happened, didn't want to start any problems.
Her mom told me later that she knew me from where I worked, new I was divorced, and had heard that her daughter had babysat for my ex-wife and I on occasion. So when she saw me, she freaked out and told herself that her daughter was not going to be going out with a 30yr old divorced guy with a son. She went in and sat down and decided not to tell her that I was at the door, hoping I would go away, which I did.
As time went on she actually ended up loving me, so did her husband, and took my son in as if he were there own grandson. So as time went on they almost took on the parents roll for me too since I am not close to mine at all. The other thing that makes this whole thing a big mess is that after my divorce I moved in with a friend, who happened to start dating my current wifes sister. So my best friend then became my BIL. The 4 of us use to do everything together when we all lived in the same town and him and I have remained best friends. I am not just afraid of losing my wife, I am afraid for my son to lose a lot of people he has grown very close too. I am afraid of losing my "adopted" parents if you want to call it that, I am afraid of losing my BIL who is my best friend, and my SIL also who I am close too. Also being divorced already with one son, I know because he already lives in a different part of the state that if we get divorced that my 2 sons who are close will be losing lots of time together. It is not just a divorce of two people, it is a whole fricken family.

On the outside trying to look in.

[sadhearted]

At least they came around to you. My in laws haven't. They can be all nice and pleasant to my face but it's all an act.

I would hope your BIL would remain friends with you since you were before the whole family connection. I know my SIL tells me even if we both end up divorced (she's married to H brother) we'll still be SIL. Very nice to hear.

Why can't our spouses see what they're doing to everyone? Mine at the moment is being selfish and I would imagine that's the case for just about everyone. All he can think about is how he's miserable and thinks he needs out. Problem is he's out and still miserable. So hopefully in time he'll realize it wasn't just me making him miserable.

[789]

Blood is thicker than water, we have talked little since this has all began. Her family, which I do not blame, are always going to be there for her. I just know that if we D, it will just be very weird going down to stay with them as I have before. Her family does like/love me, but I have been through this before and know how it all works out. 95% of the info they get is from her, not that either of us is that bad, but they only know what they know. My oldest son and I will no longer be a part of that family.

[sadhearted]

Yeah... That's one of my MIL's favorite sayings.

My H isn't talking to his family about us. I've talked to his brother a few times on the phone. Though he doesn't agree with what my H is doing. Went as far as to say I know he's my brother but he's being stupid. Nice to hear since I've never been real close with my BIL.

He said she said..... Not that either is lying but the truth really does lie in the middle. I know I made my mistakes and I'm working on making myself better and hope that my H will see that I'm serious and decide to give us another chance.

It really is sad to see an entire family destroyed because one person feels things are bad and they can't go on.

[789]

.
It really is sad to see an entire family destroyed because one person feels things are bad and they can't go on.

So you see what I mean about my whole family being divorced if that is what happens.

I have talked to her parents and sister, very little but I have. They all hope I can wait her out,they think it is worth us trying, they all hope we get back together. That does make me feel good. I just know what happens if it doesn't work out.

[sadhearted]

Yeah I get it.

I can't even imagine my life without my H. I really hope it doesn't come to that. This is about the 4th time he's left. Every time before he's come back so people tell me this is probably just another cycle and if I wait long enough he'll come back. But there are no certainities in life. Who's to say this time he really does mean it. I mean how many times can a person do this and not follow thru? He has a lot of baggage from childhood and his first marriage that I think contribute to his leaving so much. The only person that thinks this is for the best is him. Everyone else sees that this isn't going to make him happy. But... no one can control him but him.

It sounds like you may be able to wait her out. I mean it doesn't sound like you're ready to give up any time soon. Same here. We just have to hope and pray they eventually will discover their families mean everything to them.

[789]

Well when he comes back, put a collar on him and only so much chain to move around on, that is what I am going to do with my wife.

[sadhearted]

LOL

Well thanks for making me laugh. Not a bad idea. Since he'll be starting a new job in 2 weeks that is right across the street from me it really won't have to be that long of a chain. Course til he comes home he has to drive across town because he got an apartment near the job he's about to quit. (notice how I'm being positve and saying WHEN not IF)

[789]

Glad I could make you laugh.
Yes I noticed it, good PMA.

[sadhearted]

These days I'll take a laugh anywhere I can get one.

Thanks.

Well I gotta go do some more sparklers with the kids. So I'll be back after a bit.