In need of help

[789]

Well it is good the kids are having fun, that counts for a lot.
I think all our spouses are confused, we just get to bare the brunt of all that is now going on with no say so in any of it, unless we are ready to give up, which I am not.
I also don't understand the thinking part, but that is just me. They are making a life altering decision, which I realize takes time to figure out, but damn, how long do you have to think if you want to be a family or not. ok, enough venting from me for now.

[sadhearted]

Yeah I'm glad they are taking this as well as they are. Though My S7 thinks daddy has an apartment for a year and then will be home. So he has no doubt one day we'll all be here together.

I know I really don't like that I know what I want which is my marriage but have no say in whether I get to keep it. It took both of us to say I do but only one of us to say no I don't.

I agree I think when you're as emotional as we all are including our spouses that is not the time to make life changing decisions. Course my H isn't talking D or rushing to file paperwork (his words) but he also isn't talking like he wants to come back. Though last couple days it really does sound like he's thinking.

I hear ya I know I want my family. Just have to hope my H realizes he does too.

Vent all you want. Better here then to your W.

[789]

Vent all you want. Better here then to your W.

Only place I can vent at the moment.
I am now at the longest point of not seeing or talking to my wife since our first date. That along with a holiday that has always been the whole big family event, well it still is I just wasn't invited, it is just starting to go downhill in my mind about what is going on.

[sadhearted]

I've gone a week without contact from my H. Probably the longest. Oh no when he first left it was more like 2 weeks. And then it was only cause he was getting the kids for the weekend.

I know I'm sitting here thinking if I feel like this on July 4th what am I going to feel like on bigger holidays or our anniversary next month. I'll probably be a wreck.

I so understand going downhill. I always do that when he decides he shouldn't talk to me. I know I shouldn't because it seems to be a phase but it still gets me down.

You'll love this one. He was talking about his oldest son (my SS) the other day and said isn't it amazing how another person can crush you. I'm sitting here thinking hello????? what do you think you're doing to me? Obviously I didn't actually say that to him...

[789]

You'll love this one. He was talking about his oldest son (my SS) the other day and said isn't it amazing how another person can crush you. I'm sitting here thinking hello????? what do you think you're doing to me? Obviously I didn't actually say that to him...

They just don't think do they. He probably didn't even think twice about it.
I do not even want to think about the bigger holidays. I cannot remember one that her family was not at our house or us at one of theirs. In her book, she spoke the truth, divorce is not between two people, it is the whole family. I am closer to any and everyone in her family than I am to anyone in mine. So if we do get divorced, I do lose my family, not just my wife.

[sadhearted]

No they don't or they wouldn't be putting us all thru this. Yeah he either didn't think twice or was looking for some kind of reaction out of me. He also said something about him being able to solve work problems and being good at doing that but he can't do that for his problems.

I'm not close with his family. His parents never accepted me as part of the family and a few years ago he ended up shutting them out of our lives all together (completely different story). He however likes my mom so he's the one really loosing everything but at the moment he isn't seeing that. I just don't understand how he can do this to our kids. I mean as hard as this is for me I feel 10 times worse for my kids. Just breaks my heart.

[789]

I feel for the kids also, but at the moment nothing I can do.
But I see a big difference, he is the one doing it to himself and his choice to lose that contact. I don't have that choice. I am sitting here remember how I met her parents, a hilarous story of her answering the front door, me asking for my wife, date at time, her saying okay, closing door supposedly to get her, 20 minutes later I finally left when no one came back to door.

[sadhearted]

Yeah I'm trying to make life as normal for them as I can.

Yep he is. My family tell me to give him time. The fact that he keeps contacting me makes them think he's not done. No matter how much he says he doesn't see how we can ever be together again. I know I'm not supposed to believe what he says but geesh sometimes it's hard to hear it.

20 minutes? Did they forget about you or just hoping you'd go away.

[OneWish]

The fact that he keeps contacting me makes them think he's not done.

I have learned that statemens are questions. When they say they are done, leave me alone, etc. This is really a question of them asking themselves, Am I really done? If they are done, then they would stop making these same statements over and over. It is like they are trying to cconvince themselves to be done. For example, if you don't like garlic, you are not going to keep telling yourself and everyone in the world that you don't like garlic. You'll try it, then say you don't like it and not keep repeating yourself. This is total confusion on spouses parts. They don't see the contradiction in what they say.

Don't believe any of what they say. They are not speaking from their head. They are speaking from their negative feelings that they are creating misery inside of their head.

[sadhearted]

One,

Thank you for that. I'm pretty confident that he's not done as much as he says it but it's nice to have input from other people to help convince me of it. Though since I've stopped trying to talk about us he hasn't really said anything about our situation. And the little he has said makes me think he's thinking. I'm just having a down day with it being the holiday and all.

Most of the time I can let what he says just roll off. I still have my times though that I think it's hopeless. Yeah listening to him you'd think our entire 11 years have been negative. Now I know it hasn't been and he knows it too he just can't see the good right now.