Thank you for your post. You have me in tears (again!) but in a good way I think. I'm crying because I can see from what you have said exactly what I'm doing - pushing him away. What you describe is exactly how I'm feeling and doing. Don't worry about the tough love, my Mum is an expert at it and anyone elses tough love is like cuddles in comparison!
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My H came home to piece and I was hurt, angry and obsessed by OW. He had to deal with that EVERY day. It was too much.
My H has said this, that it is too much every day to deal with. I think I would find it easier to deal with if I actually knew what I was dealing with. My H thinks the term EA is a load of nonsense but if what he says is true then in my opinion that is what he had. Or of course there's the other option that he is lying and it was a PA. Not knowing which it really was is what makes it hard to deal with for me. But I know I'll never ever know.
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That's the magic ingredient I think you're looking for. TIME. Nothing else heals quite as well as distancing from the past. Every day that he is there with you.. just physically with you and your family is a day toward you accepting that truth. That time will also heal him and when he is healed and has forgiven himself, he'll love you with a full heart again.
This makes a lot of sense especially with what he is saying now - maybe what he is meaning and struggling to say is that he doesn't love me with a full heart yet and didn't realise it until the past few weeks because of all the trouble with the letter.
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Don't give OW that power over your life sweetie. YOU turn her into a non-event. ACT AS IF anything he might or might not have had with her pales in comparison to you because it truly does or he wouldnt have came home to you.
Thank you for saying this it makes me feel more positive. You are right, it is letting her win if I let her destroy what we have built back up. This is one of his "arguments" as to why the letter is obviously a load of rubbish written by someone trying to cause mischief - ie that why on earth would he have come home if he was seeing her for the first 3 months of being back, and if they were having an affair and she was miffed she would have surely written it when he moved back to his W not 3 months later.
I think I know what I should be doing - trying to put her out of my mind as the blot on the landscape she truly is - but it is just so very hard. Thank you again, Sheila.
