Okay, so she initiated a conversation this morning. She tells me that she thinks she is going to go see a counselor to try and work out some of her issues. I say that I think that may help her alot and I also decide that now is as good a time as any to broach the MC subject. I ask her if she thinks it may be a good idea to go to MC to try and help us along (thanks for the suggestion on how to phrase it WAW). She says she is not ready for that yet and that she doesn't think that she can fix us without fixing her first. I say I understand exactly what she means-even though I think it is complete BS. I just tell her that I am not suggesting we go to MC in lieu of her going to IC, but that we could do it in addition to it. I asked her about my role in her unhappiness and she tells me that a part of her unhappiness is the fact that our relationship is not what it should be, so I ask her if she thinks that getting the relationship back to where it should be would help to alleviate at least a portion of her unhappiness that is a direct result of our relationship. She responds with the fact that she does not think that she would be "able" to be in a room with a third party with me and be able to talk without crying.
Obviously, from there we do get on the topic of our relationship. She tells me that she feels sometimes like she needs to be out on her own. That she never really has had any time to take care of herself. She says she thinks if she went out to get an apartment and lived her life on her schedule that she thinks she might snap out of it. She is so unhappy now and she doesn't know how to fix it. I tell her that I understand how she is feeling right now, and that I am here for her if she ever needs anything. I also told her that a third party may be able to help her begin to "fix" her issues.
She then tells me that she is afraid that her feelings aren't going to change and that it is beyond repair. I said I understand why she feels that way and that I am sorry that she feels that way. I also said that I didn't think her feelings were going to just change on their own. That there needed to be effort from both of us to try and effectuate the change. She did not respond to this, just merely shook her head up and down. She told me that she sees that I am trying to act like everything is normal and she feels so guilty about not acting the same way. She talked again about needing her space and I asked her if I was doing a good job giving her space that she needs, and she said it was weird because I was giving her space but she still felt suffocated. I am beginning to think her mother may be right and there could be a depression issue here. I just hope that the IC that she chooses knows what they are doing and does not screw her up even more. I have heard of some seriously terrible advice coming from counselors.
I feel pretty bad about her bringing up the separation again- I don't know what to do about this. I want her to have the space that she needs, I just feel like she is going to take that space and use it to start a new life. The fact that she is talking about renting an apartment makes me think that she is not talking about short term space, but long term. Although, I feel pretty good about the fact that at least this time, she did acknowledge that there are other things that may be contributing to her unhappiness and that it is all not just my fault. She is working tonight so I will go to hometown and I am on a floate in the parade, watch the fireworks and try not to dwell on this. I just feel like all of my hopes and dreams may be walking out the door with her when/if she leaves. And it terribly depressing.
Any support/advice would be greatly appreciated.
Oh and at the end of the conversation this morning I told her to please remember three things. That I am always here for her if she ever needs anything. That I believe that her going to see an IC is a good thing. And that I think that maybe going to see a MC may help our relationship.
