ok, seriously...I don't mean to imply that hosiery is as important to a R as a healthy SL, but my point is that there are far worse things that could happen to many (if not most) of us than "ssm". As important as an SL may be, it is not worth an act that would impoverish my family. That "boundary" might be fine for wealthy people, or people with grown/no children. But for those of us that have one and not the other, its not so easy a line to draw. then there's others who's religious convictions prevent them from putting this on the table/enforcing that boundary/threatening divorce.
I just have a hard time accepting that folks in these groups are doomed to live in misery, having no other recourse.
There are other alternatives. One involves being willing to accept the end of your marriage, though, without desiring or even being willing to instigate the end of your marriage. That attitude is most consistent with reality in any marriage, since the other person could choose to end it without your consent.
Once you're no longer afraid of your marriage ending, even if you don't desire it, you gain a lot more freedom to act within the marriage. For instance, you can now educate yourself and try different approaches to entice your spouse into bed with you, rather than waiting sullenly for your spouse to signal that you're now allowed to approach. If the spouse gets angry, you back off for a couple of days and try again, and keep it up until your spouse either shows you what approach best sparks desire, or gets sick of your approaches and divorces you. Either outcome is acceptable, although one is obviously preferable to the other. You know you aren't doing anything wrong or anything that a reasonable person would find objectionable, and if your spouse is unreasonable enough to divorce you because you keep wanting sex, it's unfortunate but not the end of the world and not something you can really do anything about.
Oh yeah, and don't forget to boost your confidence by getting a life, aiming at and reaching goals, and so forth, which makes you more attractive and boosts your chances at getting laid. Elminating any unattractive mindsets or habits helps too.
You can also have more intimate conversations, knowing that if you reveal something that your spouse finds unacceptable and the spouse decides to leave, you'll be okay, but if that doesn't happen, the two of you will draw much closer and have a more satisfying marriage, and most likely a more satisfying sex life.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
