Wow, thanks Jen! I have printed all that out to refer to as I intend to really sit and think about it all tonight when S is in bed using that strategy. I think it sounds like it would help.
Quote:
I hope you can get yourself to where I'm sitting (figuratively speaking, it wouldn't do to have you sitting on my lap at the PC, how on earth would I explain it to my H?).
I think I will get the two books you mention too as I must admit since I have not been reading any self help books (like everyone I read loads of them during the sep) I do feel a bit helpless.
Quote:
maybe the name-calling and ostricisation I went through age 9-12 (I had no friends and used to beg god to let me die in the night)... but I can get thought this .. my past does NOT rule my present and therefore it won't rule my future... sorry rambling now and made myself cry a bit ... I always do when I remember how sh1t life was when I was a kid... sorry
(((Jen))) I'm so sorry, I know what you mean. When my H has asked me in the past why I'm so clingy and don't have any friends I tell him I think it is because of my school life. I hated it too. Not the actual schooling as I was/am very intelligent (not trying to blow any trumpets btw) but that was kind of the problem. Everyone picked on me, called me a swot picked on my looks, told me noone would ever want to go out with me etc, etc and to be honest I never had a "boyfriend" as in the playground type when you're really young and you say your boyfriend and girlfriend, hold hands round the playground for 2 lunchtimes or maybe a couple of weeks and then thats it. This went on like you from about 9/10 until about 14 when all the offenders decided to grow up a bit. I had a song I made up that I used to sit in my bedroom and sing that basically went "nobody loves me, everyone hates me, nobody loves me baby now." It was really what I felt and I've never thought about it until you just mentioned it that maybe that is why I have low self esteem when I'm in a R. Maybe its because everyone (even my brother but that's siblings for you when your young) used to taunt me saying I'd never have a boyfriend. Maybe its just planted in my brain people don't really want to be with me. I do know for sure that it is why I don't/can't make friends easily. The whole experience has made me so shy of what to say to people because I think they won't like me that I don't really say much at all when I first meet them. I spent most of my childhood playing on my own at home so have kind of just stuck with that really. You've really switched on a light bulb here as to what my problem might be Jen, you really have. Thank you. Don't cry too much, just think of how much better than them you are now. You've saved your M and are continuing to help others save theirs and doing a damn fine job of it - how great are you!!??
I didn't know you could get free C about this sort of thing on NHS, although �35 or so doesn't sound too bad if like you say just having a few.
Thanks so much again Jen you really are a saviour.
It was really what I felt and I've never thought about it until you just mentioned it that maybe that is why I have low self esteem when I'm in a R. Maybe its because everyone (even my brother but that's siblings for you when your young) used to taunt me saying I'd never have a boyfriend. Maybe its just planted in my brain people don't really want to be with me. I do know for sure that it is why I don't/can't make friends easily. The whole experience has made me so shy of what to say to people because I think they won't like me that I don't really say much at all when I first meet them. I spent most of my childhood playing on my own at home so have kind of just stuck with that really. You've really switched on a light bulb here as to what my problem might be Jen, you really have. Thank you. Don't cry too much, just think of how much better than them you are now. You've saved your M and are continuing to help others save theirs and doing a damn fine job of it - how great are you!!?? 
