Pick up the pieces when you go

[Yoyowife]

Another thread locked up.

Isn't funny how different things can be in a year? Last year on the fourth of July we had a big cookout for H's family at our house. None of my family lives close.

Things will be so different this year. Youngest D is going to an amusement park in Hot Springs with a friend. Oldest D is having cookout with her friends, and I'm going to a cookout at a friend's house. Oldest D and I will have lunch together and then be with our friends in the evening. It's so sad that the past few years we have been at the lake or were at family gatherings. All along my H has said this has nothing to do with the girls, I'll always love them. Divorce has everything to do with family, when will the WAS realize that? Don't they hurt too?

[Dr LOve]

Yoyo

IThink they don't think about it because:
1. They are on a "high". They are so caught up in what they are doing in the present they have forgotten the past.
2. They know we will take care of the kids.

I was afraid that my girls would like their mother more than me because I had custody of them; I was the one who had to tell the no. I was the one who made them go to school.
She was the one who bought those toys. Took them to the Park. (Of course this was only for a few months then she stopped seeing them).

But know that they are 22 & 25 they know who took care of them. They know where their "birth mom" lives but have NO interest in seeing her.
I can't imagine knowing I have two adult kids somewhere in the world and don't even know what they look like.

Your kids will be fine. Life will be different but as long as they have you every thing will be OK.
I actually think it was better in my sitch that My XW was out of the picture totally.

Husband

[Yoyowife]

Husband,
You sound like a fine man, your children are so lucky to have you. It seems you always have put them first. I have always too.

You know the odd thing is my H is seeking joint custody of our youngest D and he lives in his office. My lawyer said that's crazy and she countered with sole custody for me with visitation. It seems to me apparently he is waiting until OW is divorced to move in with her, although he stays at her house everynight. He just waits to sneak over there after her 8 year old son is asleep and leaves in the morning before he awakes. My H and OW are really moral people, aren't they? In case you're wondering how I know this, OW's H hired a private detective and they have this videotaped more than once.

[RedHeadWife]

I'm reading "After the Affair" and in one part I just read, it addresses staying for the children and how to deal w/ that. There must be lots & lots of other books out there just on dealing w/ the children when D is imminent.

I so understand what you're talking about though. My H's dad, when H talked to him about wanting a D, told him that whatever happened between the two of us was between the two of us, but he needed to know that his R w/ the boys would never be the same. My H's parents are D'd so he knows first hand.

I also know kind of first-hand in a round about way how it affects the boys. H is deployed for a year and I'm having to just deal w/ H being gone and how it affects the boys. I can't imagine how it would be if H was here and we were going through a D and how to explain that!

Anyway, hang in there and just love your girls! It will all work out in the end, however the end is meant to be, and you all will be stronger for it. If it helps at all know you have lots of people thinking of you, even people here on the Boards who don't really know you!!!

[Dr LOve]

Hey Yoyo

I know it's hard but you can't worry about what you have no control over.As for joint custody, could this be because of child support?, I don't know like I said My ex just left me with my girls. I never had to deal with the every other weekend thing. Although as long as the spouse is decient every other weekend off might not be a bad thing. WE WILL ADAPT.


We have a big 4th party every year at our house. W didn't want to do it this year. OK So I won't have to cook alot of food. I will BBQ some steaks. have a few coronia's and walk with my son to the fair grounds and watch the show.Not going to ask the W to come. If she wants to fine but if not That's ok too.

Husband

Cades -

Is it a good book? I almost got it but I don't know if I am at "after the affair" stage yet

[delia]

Yoyo--

I hadn't realized you were going through a D. I enjoyed chatting with you on Husband's thread about the weird glories of the south. Got my preliminary D papers in the mail a few weeks ago.

When I'm done chasing the possums out of the still, I'm going to read through your threads.

You sound pretty calm, but it can't be easy.

Bless you, Babe!

[RedHeadWife]

Yes, it is a good book, whether you are at the "after the affair" stage yet or not. It gives some good insight into both sides of the story. Also, for us girls, there's a book by that radio chick, Laura Scheslinger, or whatever her last name is that's called something like "The Care & Feeding of a Husband." I finally took it back to the library b/c I can only handle one non-fiction at a time, but I'm going to get it again after I'm done w/ the affair one. Maybe it will give me some good insight on Husbands as well.

[Yoyowife]

Cadesmom,
It is so hard on the kids not having a two parent home no matter what the circumstances are. I've been keeping up with your thread and seems things are going pretty good for you. I commend you for your strength. I've read "The Care & Feeding of a Husband" I can see lots of mistakes I made. I wish I had another chance.

Delia,
I've enjoyed our chats about the south. I'm new to the D proceedings. I was served on June 15 so not much going on yet. Something I never thought I would go through. It seems our timelines are quite close. We've been separated since Oct. 06. Hang in there you sound like a true souther lady.

Husband,
I really don't understand the joint custody thing. I too am wondering if it's the money.

[PennyMB]

Hi yoyo,

How are you doing? As I have found out they ( H & OW ) have no conscience. What they are doing is all right to them or they try to convince them selves of that. I hope your 4th was OK. I had our personal ranching business to do so I didn't do much and then went to a party for a while.

On your old thread I think you said you had gone to a wedding last week-end. So did I and had a great time. My boys were there and their friends so they made sure that we all danced and had a few drinks. There was a lot of old friends there and it was relaxing. It was also nice to receive compliments it boosts your ego that has been stomped on. I then had to go to a friends dads funeral and hadn't saw alot of theose people for a long time. It was nice to have them tell me that I was holding it to gether well. At least someone thinks so. It sounds like you are making progress and looking well. I think it was great that you went to the lake for a mini vacation.

Hang in there. I think my thread also locked up. I will have to start another.
Hope you have a good Day.

You might ask Theo why his TElephone # 1-800-pleasure is always busy!!!!HAHAHHAHA

[Yoyowife]

Yeah Theo, why does your phone always have a busy signal? Hmmm.... LOL

Penny,
Great to hear from you I've been worried about you. I'm glad you had good time at the wedding and sorry to hear about your friend's dad.

I have to share some info with everyone that I find interesting. Yesterday around 10:00 OW's H called and we talked a while. He said last Sunday was his stbxw's b-day. He had their son for he weekend as usual. She told him that he could wait and bring him back Monday if he would like. He told her he couldn't do that, she said you mean to tell me that you don't want to spend time with your son? WTH look who's talking she lets him get son every weekend and sometimes those turn into 4-5 day weekends. More time to spend with my H. The H is always glad to have son, but he knew what she was up to, that she wanted to spend b-day with my H. Her son doesn't know about their R, they sneak around after he is asleep. Well, he took son back about 4. Okay here is the funny part that is the day that my H took my daughters to the lake and they didn't get back until 6:00. Ha! So she spent her b-day alone! I find it interesting that my H took my DD's to the lake on that day, instead of doing something for OW's b-day.

Yesterday my DD called my H to tell him that our air conditioner was leaking water all over the hardwood floors. He said he would come over and look. I had no idea he would come over, but it worked out great. I had on a nice pair of shorts and a top and the house was very clean. I also have been working on my tan and he hasn't seen me in nearly a month. I asked him if he heard about me seeing Jermain Taylor at the lake. He said no, who did you go to the lake with, Cindy & Spencer (good friends of both of us). I said, actually no, I went about 10 people and proceeded to tell him who it was. He only knew one of the women. I was so happy to be able to tell him that I was with alot of men and women that he didn't know. I also told him about David's brand new 27ft Cobalt boat. By the way he has no idea who David is, so it probably made him wonder a little. At least he sees I'm not sitting home moping for him. So as you can see I kept convo light and upbeat.