New to this.....feeling down

[~Sol]

I know I forgot to mention my part in it. My mistake, but I left that out and I know I did something or things that she did not like. I lose my temper too, I don't apologize right away, I don't say "I love you" enough, I don't "talk" to her about her past....all of these things she already pointed out to me. It is our R and it's bad dynamics that causes us to butt heads a lot. Without looking at her problems, I can isolate my own and work on them...but I need to look deeper with IC, so I can pinpoint where my unattractive areas are and change them.

She is my first wife, first long term R, and only woman I have a kid with. I had no idea (and still a bit clueless) on how good relationships work. I am an expert on how bad relationships work and can cause many of them! But I want to learn how to make good R last longer. I know it is possible. That's what I want - whether its with this woman I am currently married to or the next.

Maybe I don't care enough for her like I think I did....???? Is love doing things for someone or is it a feeling? I look at my little girl and I know I am capable of loving someone. But with my W, it is so difficult - does that make sense to anyone? There are things I don't like about her that sends me over the edge....and that's where I "blow it".