Sol, you wrote "And I also want to know what happened between us that lead to her having an affair......is it her depression? Insecurity? Trauma from being abused as a young girl?" You have forgotten one key element, your part in what happened. I know that is really hard to look at but dynamics between people have a huge part in the choices each makes. Her choice was wrong, no doubt but you can't just look at her defecits etc as the ONLY reason an A happened. Trust me, my W is in a looney situation and I could list off her childhood emotional isolation etc but there was something in our R too that did not work. That is something I have to look at so that I don't repeat that kind of situation in the future with her or any other R. You too need to look beyond her responsibility for answers. It's hard but it's important. She's messed up, absolutely. She needs counselling and much more, you are right. But remember, it's a partnership that did not work, ask why?
