And I guess it doesn't really matter why he is doing it (if he is, and he probably is, but maybe only to get a reaction out of you, not that that is any better). My point is, we can't know why he is doing anything, and we surely can't trust what he says. I say you keep on keeping on, and at least for a little while managing your emotions will be particularly hard, but important.
Nomopo
PS - Ready for me to slap the spit out of him yet?
Last edited by Nomopo; 07/03/0703:44 PM.
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
I guess, at least he is being up front w/ you about it--my H is not, and it causes me to have so much less respect for him than if he would just be honest about it. It also shows how little respect he has for me.
It is nice to see your H finally take some blame in this, although he is rewriting history again in saying that he has been taking blame all along.
Hang in there, stay consistent with your plan, and do your best to weather this recent storm. I agree w/ mopo that you can't know why he is doing it, nor can you believe anything he says. Just stay strong and show him that you will be fine with or without him. Be the confident, upbeat, happy, and cool Still that we all see in you!
Took me a while to get past the jolt. You know we all feel it with you my friend.
A few thoughts;
Remember when my H spent the 1st night here b/c he was going to t/c of kids while I was @ funeral. I thought there was a small improvement that night, but the next day he's a callous stranger telling me "nothing's changed", he's "dating" & didn't feel "comfortable" @ the house & for that matter didn't think he ever would. And yes, he's going to "file", just hasn't had time/energy yet. Then he headed out the door for his Fri night "Date". My H is not a serial person type, so I know it was to be w/the OW he was having an A with for prolly the last 5 months or so.
So, from there, where he sounded so stink'n sure he didn't want me....to here, where it doesn't look quite like the same man. My point is, that yes, it hurts like almost nothing else right now. Tomorrow could be a different story. It could take a bunch of tomorrows. You might not want him by then, you just don't know. There is one thing that I know from my own extensive/multiple lives in Relationship History....I have never had a R w/a man that didn't want me back @ some point, even if he was the one to end it initially. I have a story that I'll post on my thread about that to give you an illustration of why it's important to keep being the positive person you are.
Great post Sunny. Thanks for putting those thoughts down, especially for j, but it helps all of us to remember things like that. I had forgotten about what you H did not so long ago.
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
Even when you suspect it , there is nothing to prepare you for the pain of hearing it from the horses mouth. I realy do feel for you and the next couple of days will be rough no matter how detached you are. You handled the news well with H .
Remember we are all here right with you. The plan dosen't change , look after yourself , keep up those hard earned changes and look after the little stills.
Okay, y'all are going to think I'm crazy, or manic or something but --
Well, first let me THANK YOU ALL for the wonderful words of caring & support & friendship and the {{{HUGS}}}. I love you all. It all means sooo much to me.
Secondly, oddly enough only about 40% of me felt the gut-punch at H's words (THANK YOU Detaching [- and thank-you Pilates-abs! lol] - the other % was disappointed [really didn't think - or hoped - he'd "go there" - at least not openly - esp. b/c of the kids], a % was resigned like in "Oh, okay, we're following the yellow brick road some more"; a % KNEW he was only (again) RE-acting to the New-Me-Attitude & Actions (more on that later), so what's that? Scorn, maybe? Disdain? Pity?; And another % was pure ANGRY! What a JERK to need to hurt me so badly (a-gain) that he'd say that and couch it like it was a friggin' CARING gesture!! Uh, gesture THIS, my dear! Can you believe I hid all those thoughts (& emotions) behind an unblinking, unemotional "Aaannnnnddd?"
So, after posting, calling Friend-A (got her vm; left messg), Friend M (vm; no messg), Friend A (who was supposed to keep my kids while I went ot C but had YET to call me) (VM; messg only that I was taking the kids to C w/me & would talk to her later) & then driving to & talking to C for an hour, I got alot of THINKING ABOUT IT out of the way and, well, more about what I THINK but, for now . . .
Wish me a safe trip cuz I'm flying out tom. morning w/Friend A (& Friend P) in Friend A's not quite-bf's private plane to stay at his beach house IN THE BAHAMAS!!! WHOO-THE F- HOOO!!!
And, oh, BONUS: I called H & asked:
Me: Do you want to keep the kids tomorrow? H: What on the 4th of July? Me: Yeah. Do you want to keep them? H: Uh - yeah. Sure. Just for the day? Me: No. Overnight. And you have them Thurs. to Fri. anyway. H: Yeah. Me: [Tampa BFF] will be p/u the kids at the house on Fri.& keep them for the wkend. H: Oh. Me: Can she call you to say when she'll be at the house? H: Uh - Okay. . .She can, uh, call me & let me know? Me: Yep. I'll give her your number. H: Oh. Okay. Me: Fine. Oh, can you p/u the kids b/f 8am? H: Before 8? Me: Yeah. Can you pick them up then? H: Uh, Yeah I can do that. Me: Okay. Great. Well, thanks then. Bye. H: Bye.
ACKKKKK -- too much to do & getting hugely interrupted by phone calls from all those vm's I left this morning.
More in a bit.
Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
Me: 45 - WAH: 36 S8; D6 M: 11 yrs 07/06 Initial Bomb 10/06; D Bomb 11/06 - DBing begun 1/5/07 - H moved out 03/16/07 To date: No papers filed; H not seen a L; trying to convince me to MUTUALLY file for D
