Hey CF, don't read too much into the why she is spending the 4th at the beach. Fact is if she didn't want to be around you and the friends...tradition be damned, she wouldn't go Remember, some of the things they say are just defense mechanisms anyway.
Jazz had a point in an earlier question about space. I know having kids with hectic schedules makes that kind of difficult but it is a good question. Sometimes it may seem like a good chance to have an R talk or chit chat but keeping the conversations short and not always being available is important for your sanity. Your W needs that space to, of course, grow as an individual but she also needs it to be able to miss you. Trust me,I know that not knowing what they are up to or if they are safe is hard.
I remember once a few months back when it was raining really bad here and I was upset H did not call to see if I made it home ok. You all jumped on me to give him a break and to chill...space, no pressure, be attractive to our spouse...you know all the basics
Have a great 4th CF, no expectations...just have fun with your family and friends!
Remember, some of the things they say are just defense mechanisms anyway.