Love, what is it, is it real, does it matter?

[LoginName]

Do I want her? If it were real "love", the way most people think of it, then of course you would. I guess we've determined that love isn't what most people and pop culture think it is.

Do you want her? Do I want my W? It's hard to separate all the feelings. I'm hurt. I don't want to be hurt again. If I push her away, I will stop the pain. Does that mean I don't want her? Probably not. Definitely means I don't want to be hurt again.

My pride is hurt too. I want revenge. She doesn't want me, fine, I don't want her either. I don't need her. It would be great if she wanted me and I could tell her I've changed my mind and don't want her anymore - see her do some of the crying.

If I put my pain and pride aside, yes I want her. I choose to be with her. I will be the best husband and father I can, because I want to do it.

The pain has become cleaner and healthier. It still hurts, bad. But it's my pain. It doesn't destroy me. I'm strong enough now to bear the pain and move through it. It's a good feeling. I don't need revenge. I'm stronger than that. I've forgiven and moved on. I don't gain anything by bringing her pain. It doesn't help me to give her pain.

I choose my W. I'll keep doing what I know is right and hope she chooses me too. If she doesn't, I'll cry, and I'll move on.

I would love to be infatuated with my W. Sometimes, I am a little. But that's the cupid false love we've been talking about. I bet, though, that if she and I work it out, there will be times when I am totally infatuated with her. I'm not basing my decision on that though. I'm basing it on a lasting love, between adults.

It is hard to want them back, to allow them back in, to be vulnerable again. But in a way we aren't vulnerable anymore. We know the truth now. We can be hurt again, but not like we were. It seems we need restitution too. Don't they owe us for the pain they caused?

I've read a book that says that's exactly what's needed, some kind of restitution. The book was in the context of an A. I'd love my W to make this all up to me. I can't make her do it. I can't keep my happiness on hold waiting for her to make amends. Besides, I owe her quit a bit too. In some sitches, maybe one person is almost completely at fault - maybe the other person would agree to pay some kind of restitution. I bet that's rare though.

I've been looking to see what's out there. There are lot's of lonely people looking to meet someone. There are lots of attractive people. I bet there are some that would make a great partner and friend. But each of them would have there own issues, problems and challenges. I made my choice, I'll keep working on the challenges my W and I have. I've made a promise to be with this one person. I'll keep my promise as long as I'm able.

Tyler, you're not alone. I feel ambivalent about wanting my W back at times too. Lot's of people on this site feel that way. I'm glad you're honest about it. It's good to know my feelings aren't unique in this.

So, do you want her back?