Bombs keep dropping - not meant to be??

[Jen_Jam]

Right - got this from a book on losing weight using CBT .. but it fits pretty well with DB'ing. I hope I'm not breaking any copyright laws!!!!

Unhelpful thinking patterns & what to do about them:

1. Question the thought
2. Expand your thinking

How?

top 10 questions for thoughts:
1. What is the evidence for this thought? What is the evidence against it?
2. What are some other ways of thinking about this situation?
3. How would another person see this situation?What would I say to my best friend if they were in the same situation?
4. What are the advantages and disadvantages of thinking this way?
5. When I am not feeling this way, do i think about this type of situation differently? How?
6. Am I asking questions that have no answers?
7. 5 years from now, if I look back at this situation, will I look at it any differently? Will I pay attention to other parts of the situation that I'm ignoring now?
8. Are there any small things which show my thoughts aren't true? Am I ignoring them or not taking them seriously?
9. Am I blaming myself for something over which I do not have complete control? Am I forgetting that other people are responsible for their own behaviour and I'm not responsible for what they do?
10. Am I always thinking that things will go badly? Am I exagerting how bad things would be if they did go wrong?

Expanding your thinking
aim to find 3 alternative thoughts about the situation. For example, for me personally (Jen jam, that is), I am hoping to gradually drop my weight down to a healthy level (I'm 5'7" and weigh 15 stones )
Tonight, I ate 7 of those small flake bars that go into 99 ice creams. Whoops.I started to think "well, I've been chubby for years now, yes I did manage to drop to 12 stone but that was a fluke and it helped with H walking out, I managed to drop 7lbs in a week, but that situation wont' happen again so I'll have to put up with being fat and happy."
My alternative thoughts are:
1. I cannot predict the future, so i can't say I will always be fat or happy
2.I managed to drop to 12 stone so there's every chance I could do that again
3. a few choc bars do not make people fat. many choc bars and no exercise does. I did 90 mins of exercise at the gym today and only ate a few choc bars. it isn't so bad.

So .... what do you think? I don't expect you to post answers to all these questions, it's just a starting point for you to get thinking about yourself and a bit more self aware.

From where I am sitting I can see a strong, thoughtful, tender, caring lady who while she does let things get her down is quick to laugh and really appreciates the beauty of the world. I don't see much to have low self esteem about. I hope you can get yourself to where I'm sitting (figuratively speaking, it wouldn't do to have you sitting on my lap at the PC, how on earth would I explain it to my H?).

And finally ... booklist. Mars/venus is good. there is another good one I read - Your Erronerous Zones by Wayne Dyer. Jeff223 rcommende it to me when I first got here, to help me through my low self esteem. It was tough. I am not a really confident person still, it's funny there is a woman at work who when she talks to me I just feel so dim and little .. not her fault at all, there are just people who seem to have that affect on me ... maybe the name-calling and ostricisation I went through age 9-12 (I had no friends and used to beg god to let me die in the night)... but I can get thought this .. my past does NOT rule my present and therefore it won't rule my future... sorry rambling now and made myself cry a bit ... I always do when I remember how sh1t life was when I was a kid... sorry