I am not going to ask the W about the tattoo (don't tell MC i was going to be a wimp ok?)
My bother in arms -- gallant hunter of your wife's heart.
You are doing fine. Good work. Thanks Theo I needed this.
It's seems right now you are very fragile. You are teetering between detatching and chasing her.
Yes I know this, I am doing better though. I can’t wait for Friday I’m going out again. This may sound silly but I right now I am cooking some deer sausages my step dad made last year before he pasted away. My W always made me go out side to cook it because she didn’t like the smell. Well I am in the house…Doing what I want to do.
She's not going anywhere. Your chasing will push her out the door.
I know she is not going anywhere right now.
The key in the LRT and detaching is not to try and trick her. They key is to get yourself to a point in your life where you don't really need her and you stop living in fear.
I actually have gotten to a point that I don’t NEED her. Today I was thinking that I am not rocking the boat mostly because of my son. I am trying to keep him sheltered from this. UN fortunately in protecting him I am putting my own pride and respect aside.
1. What do I want?
To live to a ripe old age, be happy, (I don’t need a lot of money to be happy). Find someone that I can tell my innermost secrets to and who will tell me theirs.
2. What is the purpose of my life?
Right now is to raise my Son in a healthy, learning environment, and be an example to him of how a moral man should live. Respecting others. Daughters are old enough to be on their own.
3. Am I just getting by in my career or am I thriving and making a difference?
I love my job. I feel bad that I am letting this affect it. But then again when I worked long hour’s maybe that is what got me here.
4. Do I have loyal male friends in my life who will challenge me and help me to live with passion? Except you and MC
This is a big NO. I had male friends but My W didn’t like them. She made it known she did not want me to hang around them. (I did call one up the other night and we went out. I may give him a call again this Friday)
5. What spiritual disciplines am I pursuing?
I am not a religious man. I think Man screwed up religion and changed it to his own perspective. I believe in God, I pray to him not as much as I should.
6. What am I doing to bring me joy?
I am doing more every day. Little by little I am doing things without worrying about what the W will say.
7. What hobbies will really stretch me and really gratify me?
Leaving the house….I stay home too much. I have been going fishing a lot with my son. This is some thing we didn’t do often.
I'm asking myself these questions now. Join me in becoming more of man who lived with passion.
My thoughts:
1. Don't send the letter. It's dripping with, "please, please, please come back to me."
I am not going to send the letter. Not YET. I am going to start to write a letter that will signal the end of the struggle I am having. I will edit it, re write it, add to it and delete stuff. But some day she will get it.
2. Get her a small anniversary gift because it's who YOU are: a thoughtful gentleman. Skip the card. Have her look into your clear, purposeful eyes -- that's the card she needs to learn to read.
No Flowers, Just the watch. I don’t think I will get her a card.
3. Don't take this the wrong way: real men don't ask their wives for advice on what kind of tattoo to get. Blab I know this is left over habit I need to break. I always tried to include her in my decisions. I am just going to get it.( agian don't tell MC I don't want him to think I am a california wimpy hippie)
Now I am leaning to the work EUREKA with some desighn and Maybe A & M under it. That Is my special place I go with my son. And our initials.
The reason my wife strayed is because I lost myself. I was a depressed, emotionally shut down, indecisive man who was floundering in his career. I was a sweet, warm, nice guy. I'm very funny and really smart. But my wife already has several girlfriends; she doesn't need me to be one.
Aside from being depressed it sounds like you are describing me.
Theo just a thought. I love lonely, Delia, suffice, yoyo and all of the rest of the ladies here. And PLEASE LADIES DO NOT GET ME WRONG. But I think that some of their advise is coming from the LBS is feelings. Not all of it but some of the things they tell me is what the would want their H to do for them. They are not thinking with the mind of someone who is sooo unhappy with their marriage that they went outside to find happiness. Do you understand what I am trying to say? It like the glass half full or empty thing. I along with everyone here is the half full glass. We think we have some water so it’s ok. Our S is the half empty glass. They figure the glass is half empty so the better go look for more.
I hope I don’t offend any of the ladies. I care for you all and i DO respect your opinions. They are your feeling they are not right or wrong.
I got to go eat my sausages.
Is anybody still talking to me?
Husband
Last edited by husband; 07/03/0707:29 PM.
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
I get what you are trying to say and im'e not upset with you.
I do try to look at my sitch from all angels as I know my H had to have a reason to feel so bad that he had to go outside our M and have an EA with OW and be so unhappy MLC or not. It still does not excuse what he did though and he needs to deal with that himself with or without me.
Deer sausage if made right is very good.
What about the Coronas?
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
Look back at my posts, somewhere I posed my E-mail address e-mail me and you will get all the mushy letters you want.(I am pretty good at sexy ones to) Thanks for understanding. Jak58 NO nothing give them the right to do what they did. My W was unhappy. It was nothing I did but she was unhappy and didn't know why. Instead of coming to me and talking about it she called her XBF (OF 17 YEARS AGO!!). AND instead of talking to him about it and him being a moral upstanding man he had sex with her. Where is he today? Helping her? No he is back in Washington with his wife. She can't see the forest through the trees. What I was trying to get across is If Delia, matilda or you asked ME "what can I do to get him back" and I think what Would I like from my wife I would say " get a baby sitter, order some take-out and light some candles. When I come home be there wearing something sexy. Jump up run to me throw your arms around me and say "I sorry let's put it behind us and move on" Before I could answer you would be giving me a big passionate kiss. Dinner would be filled with giggles and small talk. After dinner we would make whoopee ALL NGHT. Now me being the left behind Husband that would work great. BUT if I had left you for a OW I may think what your doing is crazy I'd be on the phone to the OW saying "guess what the crazy W is doing now. OK I’m sorry I started ranting again. We are not totally innocent in the problem but we were completely out of the loop when our S decided on a solution.
I still want and need all of your opinions it's just that I need to pick and chose better and with theo standing buy my side he keeps me in line.
Thanks Yes Deer meat is great when prepared right. Not much fat and if cooked wrong it can be dry. The Coronas are in the frig. I may take out some abalone for tomorrow. It to when done right is SOOOOOOOOOO GOOOOD. ("California Eats’" eat your heart out THEO & MC).
( now I got to take a cold shower now) Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
My H also said that it is not me im'e perfect he thinks it MLC,but I do remember him saying he thought we didn't have any thing in common any more( what the HE;; he pushed me out)! That was right after he said he wasn't happy. I had also gained quite a bit of weight from not being able to do any thing before I had back surgery and it was in for a long time. I did and still am losing :)(stress helped that along for a while) But over the last summer H piped up out of nowhere after I had lost 50 ppounds and said that he wanted to see me lose the rest of the weight that I wanted to. Now what does that say to you as a male. H always said that he didn't care about me being heavy that I still looked good.WIth OW at work flirting with him I must have started looking pretty bad.
Doing good on the weight thing and I think if I were to keep going out he might get jealous.
ALthough my kids are adults and do not live home I have done the dinner and candle light and yopu know the rest and he seemed pretty perseptive to it, But that was after the bomb and I was dbing my but off 180 you know after 30 years, and becoming a mystery to him.
All I can say is I have done the right things I think so far in Dbing it is working and you really do have to not do anything that even begin to be pursuing behavoiur.MY councelor said she has never seen anyone that distances push there W/H away but pursuing almost always does and I listened to her. She is a DB fan and very solution oriented.
Does Om's wife have a clue to this?
I'll look for your E-mamil address.
What is abalone?
Chilled i hope with lime
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
You know I'm here for you when you need BAD advice just dripping with sympathy. I'll let Theo clobber you, and then I'll sob over your bruised and battered ego--and between all of us sweet ladies and MEAN Theo, you'll be so confused you'll finally end up with tattoos all over your body, living in a naturist colony, in a small cave infested with free-tail bats.
All of you ladies giving me tattoo sound kind of intriguing. Of course this will have to be after we have had a few coronas (and maybe a shot of tequila), but does Theo need to be there?
Had to edit this in: Wouldn't that be a sight for my W to come home to?
Husband
Last edited by husband; 07/03/0710:13 PM.
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
I swear you must be an expert at Neuro-Linguisic-Programming. It's a way of burying words in a sentence in such a way as to persuade the reader/listener to do exactly what you want. ;-)
Husband,
I think these delightful ladies can offer you great wisdom. I suggest to track down AmyC on the boards. She went through a MLC and can tell you an interesting story or two. She's been on both sides of DB-ing.
Bt the way, sharing your marriage problems with a member of the opposite sex sends two messages: I'm vulnerable, I'm available.
Yeah, I'm kind of mean. I'm working on getting meaner. See...my problem is I'm such a nice, sweet guy, that my wife lost all respect for me. I would really like to get that black suit in Spiderman 3.
By the way, ladies love bad-boys. Especially ones that listen to their marriage problems. ;-)
That's who my wife fell for. A romantic, bad-boy, and rogue. He provided a "safe" space for her to share her problems. Then he took the liberty of f*cking her.
That rogue was my best friend.
Maybe my tattoo should be a scull and crossbones? A medieval torture instrument? How about an image of a philanderer getting impaled by a hot poker?
