OK I had it backwards, in this case. He will need to be a resident of Iowa for one year in order to file as the plaintiff. However, YOU can file in Iowa as a non-resident, in the county in which HE is a resident.
In Illinois you have to be a resident for 90 days. Again, as a non-resident, I don't think he can file right now.
Still, what makes the most sense is for you to file right away in Illinois. Don't worry about the old papers--the lawyers have it all formatted and ready, they just fill in the particulars.
But do ask your lawyer about the Illinois/Iowa residency thing. I may not have it right.
Thanks Mike. Sounds like I should just pretend like the original papers don't exist. First of all, my H doesn't seem very proactive and with him not being a resident of Illinois, who knows what he can even do with them now. Just to clarify, my H actually lives in Missouri not Iowa, so I am in Illinois and he is in Missouri.
I am looking into finding an attorney. Is there anything in particular that I should look for? Do they usually offer a free consultation? I don't really know what to expect for fees. From my little knowledge, I think that I can get uncontested divorce papers drawn up for a flat fee, but if there is changes there will be additional charges. Is it better to do something with a retainer? What exactly is a retainer?
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
. Is it better to do something with a retainer? What exactly is a retainer?
I really had no choice to go with a fee based or retainer based D. My W served me, I had to drop the money down for a retainer, I needed someone looking out for me.
What is a retainer? My understanding is that you are making a deposit with your L, and from this deposit they will take their fees out of it. My L and the others that I talked to would not pick up a pen for me unless I put the money for the retainer down. You basically are paying for the L services and fees up front.
I thought a retainer was something to do with braces on your teeth???
Seriously, I think you can go with a flat fee for uncontested divorce based on your earlier agreement. The flat fee will probably be about the same amount as a minimum retainer, anyway. There will be extra fees if things pop up.
Thanks ERC and Mike. I made an appointment for a consultation with a local attorney but it isn't for 3 weeks. I waited 8 months what's another 3 weeks. I might call a couple more attorneys and see about getting another consult.
I guess this marriage could be over fairly quickly if my H just goes along with it. It could be a very simple D. I will have everything in line before I go for the consult. If anyone has any advice on what questions to ask or what to have ready, please let me know.
On a side note, I think that I am going to brave the world tomorrow. I have been sort of hiding out since all of this started. We live in a small town and I think my sitch was big news at one point. Why wouldn't it be, this story is so crazy it doesn't even seem real to me and it is my life...It was so nice of my H to cheat on me, leave me for OW, and then run away so I am hear all by myself to pick of the pieces of my broken heart, broken life, and face everyone while he is starting his "great" new life. I am going to go to a 4th of July party and I will probably know quite a few people there. I have to get out there sometime, what better day to do it than Independence Day. Hopefully, I have a good time.
Hopeless, A suggestion people gave me was to take a written list of questions and things you wish to discuss with a lawyer at the consultation. I'm sorry you are having to go through this.
You are so right about us having to be the one to pick up all of the pieces when they go. It seems so unfair, they have their OW and their "great new lives". I hope someday they realize what they did to their families. My girls' lives are so different as a result of this. I'm so thankful for my girls, but it's not fair that they get to act like they're single and do whatever they want. Don't get me wrong I'm so glad to have my kids with me, I wouldn't want to be without them. But on the other hand I have to be a Mom all of the time. If I'm having a bad day my kids see it, my H on the other hand gets to go have a "lovely time" with the OW. Well our H's are the ones missing out.
Have a great time at the picnic! You deserve it!
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
What's this "But on the other hand I have to be a Mom all of the time."? When I was a single parent my kids were an assett. I went on plenty of "dates" with ladys AND my girls. We went to the zoo, the beach. Just because you are a "MOM" does not mean you are dead. I always asked for a first date with my girls involved. I didn't want to "date" anybody that didn't like my girls we were a package deal. If everything went well I'd get a sitter for the second date. Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Husband, I'm so glad to be a Mom all the time, but what I meant was that it was hard putting on a front for them and being strong all the time. I hate when they saw me cry and they did too. Most of the time I was able to keep my emotions in check, but there were times that I wasn't strong enough.
Another complaint I have about my H not being a dad all the time was a time when I went out of town for the night. I called my H to let him know I would be gone to the conference for the night and asked him if he would like to stay at the house to keep an eye on the girls. Well, he decided they would be okay by theirselves (15 & 18). About 10:00 that night I called to check in and found out my H wasn't with them. Youngest D was a little upset because some boys that she didn't want around showed up with another friend and she had to tell them to leave. I thought all of this was taken care of when I left and had called my H. I guess spending the night with OW was far more important than saftey of girls.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
