My point about the papers is that it is just a draft, just like an old draft of a college term paper. It is only of use to reduce the cost to your H if he continues with the same attorney. Not likely if he's in a different state. There are enough problems with it that you might as well start fresh.
At some point he will have residency in IA for the purpose of filing. That may not be to your advantage based on the differences in the state laws--I don't know. You can only file in IL. You need to do so ASAP in order to keep the ball in your "court."
Regarding the in-laws, the best thing you can do is ignore them. Luckily since you have no kids, they will be out of your life once he is. You know the truth, and so do they, but blood is thicker than water. Rather than try to get on their good side or explaining too much, just look them in the eye and say:
"Don't make me out to be the bad guy here. Your son is an adulterer--end of story."
If you want you can add that you are doing them all a favor, since once you divorce him, he'll be demoted to 'fornicator.'
